I grew up in an age of dial up internet and “friends” whom I could only reach through AOL Instant Messenger or emails. This story really hit close to home, as a few of my “first loves,” developed from online friends.
The story of Ru and Myra is a touching one. The scenes you chose to write to describe their interactions were so pure and accurate, it makes for a very believable story. I can relate to the emotional investment two people can create by their virtual interactions. The pain and the sense of loss is very real, and you wrote it wonderfully.
You keep the reader wondering: what happened to Myra? What really happened? How did Ru manage those ten years? We know part of it: by not really living, by having a hole in his heart. One that, with time and hope... may be mended.
Their conversations flow very naturally. The way you described their anguish and loss was very well done. Ru's fall from “normal” life because of his heart ache is so sad.
I personally hope that Ru and Myra are able to meet and that they can rekindle their former relationship. Thank you for sharing this tender, true-to-life love story!
This leaves me with such a feeling of quiet desperation. I want life for Anzylna to change, I want that metal flap to open and for her to be presented with a key. I really cared for her, even in just a few paragraphs. She doesn't seem upset with her surroundings, just accepts it and continues on.
Your word choices are even meticulous, the style of the story seems to match the environment.
I like how it progresses to be more futuristic - with the plastic utensils, and then the camera at the end - the story really unfolds very well. I want to know more about how she became imprisoned, where she's at, where she's going. That's a great feeling to have after such a brief glimpse in to her world!
The imagery is clear through the dialog. Some of the word choices are choppy or unnatural sounding, but dialog happens in a lot of styles. The story is interesting and lends well to the project. You really get a feel that the old man is hiding something without ever going out and saying it.
What a great combination, dogs and self-motivation. Great visuals here and wonderful word choices. Using the word "insurmountable" seems easy to use now that you've done it! Poodles and Pitbulls, very easy to identify and compare yourself to. In the end, who wants to be like a poodle? Good word choice and placement.
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