"like hermit crabs without shells" is a fantastic description of movement. It's unique and stands out. "stones like sorrow, a chilling chaos,/stones like pain, a slow fire" flows very nicely as well. The chill vs fire is a nice juxtaposition especially against the "stones like..." The images are very vivid as well but I felt that some are over used, such as a skull as a cup. Still a lovely poem with a nice rhythm.
There were some grammatical issues that I couldn't tell if they were intentional or not. "before driving to the other direction to my own work at Central's" "before driving the other direction to my own work at Central's" and " until we meet again at Friday night." instead of "until we meet again on Friday night." are two that really stuck out for me. Over all I liked the story itself. I wasn't quite sure if the narrator was actually in a relationship with the man or if they were just friends and the narrator got the wrong impression or if the narrator was just a crazy stalker.
I really enjoyed reading this. I can relate to Sam a bit because if I found out that my best friend was getting abused and killed him I'd have the same reactions as she has. I would really enjoy seeing this as a longer piece. I'd love to see what happens to Sam and Molly. You tied it up in the end so that the reader isn't left hanging but at the same time I'm really interested to know what happens. The characters seem really well developed, especially considering the length of the piece.
As for the mechanics of the piece I didn't see any mistakes. The only thing I saw that I was unsure of was the dialogue's punctuation but it seems like everyone has a different set of rules for that so I don't pay too much attention to that.
I love the imagery in this poem. It brought two things to mind when I read it, the first was Beauty and the Beast and the second was werewolf. I thought of Beauty and the Beast because it's what I imagine the beast would become if Belle had never returned. I imagine that he would descend into madness and break down when ever his animal instincts over took him.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shade1193
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:58am on Nov 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.