What a poignant, heartfelt poem! The first line really sets a tone of loss, and does so in an interesting and enticing way. I felt smoothly carried through the piece as it moved from past memories to near memories to present.
The grief of losing a loved one can be such an overwhelmingly strong and often complex emotion. This poem does a great job describing your relationship with Mittens, and by the end I felt like I could feel some of your pain.
My only suggestion would be to break up the lines a bit more. Poetry offers so many ways to format words and lines other than just a paragraph. Maybe you could give the reader a little more structure for how you would like it to be read, particularly when read aloud.
Nice job for a story written in only fifteen minutes! The emotions spilling out of the two roommates seem key to something much deeper going on for each of them, perhaps inner struggles that the body switching has painfully brought to the surface. The dialog between them gives a very brief yet full glimpse of a raw moment of realization and self understanding. Reading such a short story, I found myself trying to fill in a lot of background and details. I imagine each reader would come up with a different story for these two characters based on their own experiences, but there is definitely enough here to stimulate the imagination.
The only critique I have is that I was a little confused by who was speaking. I think this might be a punctuation or spacing issue. It didn't effect the overall emotional power of the story though. Good work!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:09am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "