Oh, this is fantastic. I love the extrapolation of the characters into our world. I'm assuming HIPPA regulations refer to health privacy in America? As a non-American, this is one point that may not necessarily come through, however, the context would be that it is an American "news" piece so would still work
I like the premise of this piece. I like the feel of the piece, but wonder if lengthening the final stanza would help to strengthen it. Maybe seven lines instead of five for emphasis. Alternatively, adding a line directly related to the theme of the third verse prior to "you've changed in almost everything"
There's a lot of beauty in this piece. Some of the lines don't fulfill the requirement for iambic pentameter though. Lines 3, 4, 12, and 13 have either too many or too few syllables. The third stanza often has the stress on the wrong syllable as well. It's definitely not an easy form of poetry, so it's pretty good considering
Very well written piece, especially given that it was for a competition that gives the prompt on the same day the entry is due. The flow of the piece does need work, however, and this may be achieved by expanding the piece into a longer story. I did enjoy it and would love to read an expanded version.
Wow! This is a beautiful piece of writing. The very first paragraph captured my attention. One thing though, what is the motive for the old man to send the person to the alder tree? This lack of motive is the one thing that weakens the, otherwise incredible, storyline
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