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4 Public Reviews Given
60 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Oops!  Open in new Window.
Review by Poplar Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The League of Young Writers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~This review is part of your winning package, and on behalf of the Young Writers' League~

This was very smart, I enjoyed it! I loved the twist at the end, and I loved how I got such a good understanding of the girls characters, in less than 300 words!
The thing that I noticed most was at the start, when Bethany says "Calm down, Heather"
To me, it sounded unnatural. I think in casual conversation, it just would've been "Calm down," without the Heather.
It seemed to me to be a bit of a quiet, almost 'confidential' conversation about the new boy, with just the two of them, so they both knew who they were talking to. This is just my opinion though.

The other plus is, since this is flash fiction, by leaving out "Heather" you've saved a word!

A great piece, thankyou very much.

Poplar!! *Laugh*
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Review by Poplar Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow. Wow. I want another installment! What happens next??

Because I hate it when people give me unconstructive reviews, I'll add this.
How about a little extra on the physical side of things, once or twice? Like "Her pulse raced" or "Her blood pounded in her ears" or maybe sweat soaking the blindfold?

But this is your choice, it was just an idea : )
Write a follow up, please!
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