Overall this is well written, but I think you would benefit from learning about story structure and character development a little.
The first chapter should have a hook, something to entice the reader, this usually comes in the form of a question being proposed to the reader, or a character with a problem that needs solving.
Characters are not perfect, the problem could be that they have issues at home, they have drinking problems, or they are living in a world where there is little food and no laws.
Try not to start with a couple of paragraphs of exposition, this bores the reader. Readers care about characters and how they deal with situations. Also, starting in the middle of the action is a good way to hook the reader.
You could start in the middle of the duel:
"Are you ready for an embarrassing defeat?" Samuel said, and quickly stepped forwards, bringing his sword down as fast as lightning to clash with my own. I hadn't anticipated him attacking so soon. The force of his blows sent me off balance but I regained my composure and hopped back out of reach.
"You wish," I hissed, and lunged forwards striking at his legs. His sword cut through the air with a hum knocking my own out of hand. It clattered to the floor and spun to a stop a few meters from me.
"Embarrassed yet?" Samuel laughed, and swung his sword, aiming for my face.
I ducked low, rolled across the mud and scooped up my weapon just in time clash once more with his. The force sent him reeling back. I seized his moment of weakness like a lion ready for the kill and threw my foot forwards. It collided with his chest with a crack knocking the air out of him. He tumbled onto his back with a grunt. I pounced on top of him and stuck my blade up against his throat.
Samuels eyes widened with shock, then he grinned. "You're learning!"
This would pose many questions, like who are these people? why are they fighting? why is Samuel so cocky? who was the main character learning from? Why hasn't the main character beaten Samuel before? Why are they using swords, is the book set in a fantasy world....you get my point.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 12:16pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
