Let's start out by saying this was a very enjoyable read. I like the way you make the point of a single sound driving a man crazy, I could really feel his struggle to find the source and as an acoustical advisor I can honestly say, I've met people like Ryan, hearing something, but not knowing what it is.
However, even though I understand you planned for this to be a short story, you might wish to spread the crazy over a few more days. As you say in your story he lived their one day. It makes the whole quest for the sound seem like a small thing, and makes Ryan stand out as a bit of a drama queen, not being able to withstand one day of strange noises.
If you think about re-writing, takes us a little further into his world, makes us believe he's gone crazy, not like he's overreacting.
You try to make us believe he's an adult, but at that point you make him seem more like a spoiled child.
I would like to say, that I really liked your twist in the end. However,once again I think it might come over more strongly by making us see Ryan go over the edge of insanity.
As a closure remark. Keep up the good work. You have a very pleasant writing style. It's easy to read and but you do fall for something most people do, making too much use of statements as "I thought, he says, she said." In your words you could make clear who is the source of a thought or spoken sentence. That would make it a slightly better read and woud safe on bul of text.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rove
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 5:20am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX2.