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Review of Silence  Open in new Window.
Review by roaringjojo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi. Found this story on Read $ Review.

At first when I saw this story I thought the wall of text that are your three paragraphs would be a problem but I was wrong. They worked wonderfully. The story really caught my attention and you could say the paragraphs being this big helped by keeping a constant level of tension.

Though I think it'd be a good idea to split it as it might turn off some readers. Your choice.

Anyways this was a good story, kept me on my toes. Although the reactions of the character in this sentence felt a bit exaggerated and redundant:
"It almost hurt to even breathe as she felt like her heart would break her chest cavity to try and burst free and high tail it outta there."

You did a good job at painting Janie as a character. Lonely woman, bit poor, hates her mum, has a point to prove. Her motivation for turning around just to shame her mother seemed a bit extreme but one could argue that she was doing it to justify turning around, so I can't say much in that regard.

As for the ending, it was a bit confusing with the constant scratching under her bed. Why doesn't she check under the bed? How come she's not afraid of the situation that happened, does she think it's a nightmare? Is the scratching a metaphor for silence. Was the whole situation due to the silence. Guess it's open for interpretation but it's still a bit confusing none the less.

As for what I liked - you did a good job with the third person POV, really got me into the head of the character and I didn't notice any slips, you should check out the "Just One Point of View Contest".

And finally a minor mistake.

"From the way it the lack of noise would almost become a noise itself oppressive and grating on her ears" - I think you should remove the it or add a coma or dash.

That's it. Hope I was helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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