Overall: I enjoyed the piece. I could feel the happiness of the man at the beginning and felt his frustration at the end. It was a fun read, but part of my frustration is not knowing exactly what is going on. But I want to read it again, so maybe that was the point!
You have a talent for very descriptive language. The scene easily came alive for me. The opening paragraph describing the house was very well done.
The dialogue rang true. Favorite line: “I, in my quiet, and you in yours.”
The negatives for me, there were some confusing lines and at times the flow seemed to falter…“The man took a seat on the front steps. He was supposed to meet her here. They always spoke on the steps just before the door.” Seems a bit clunky.
You do a great job overall with descriptive phrases, but sometimes it felt that simpler wording would be better…“The man tentatively sauntered forward.”
All in all very interesting, good job.
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