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Review by Rell E. Tyrots Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Let me start by saying that the storytelling is good and feels natural.
The only thing I really find problematic regarding the writing style is the lack of proper distinction between thoughts and speech. The most common way I can think of, is writing thoughts in italics, and speech in double quotes. You seemed to follow that, but you had some slip-ups. I'm sure you can find them easily by going through the story. One which is very noticeable is in the phone conversation, where the operator's speech is all in italics. Also, I suggest going over the beginning of the story and checking if it makes more sense whether he is talking or just thinking.

About the plot: the writing is great, but I did not sense much of a plot. Maybe it was not your intention, I am just mentioning what I feel. I see it as a description of a morning, but there wasn't much depth in it. Maybe you didn't mean for it to be more than that, which is fine.

All in all, great writing style(!), although I generally prefer something more plot-oriented.
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