I am going through a journey like this currently and would be love to help you out anyway I can. I started July 1 and since I've dropped over 20 lbs and I feel amazing.
There are so many options out there for diets and things that can be done, a lot of it just based on how you feel and what you comfortable with doing.
If you would like to chat or need support in the journey, I would love to help.
First Impression: I love it and it hit home a lot. Reminds me of my past relationships, a failed marriage. It triggered a lot of things that I have had happen. Thank you for that. Poetry is so powerful that so few words could do so much.
Flow: flows great, love it.
Editing: Just a preference which is centering poems.
Concerns: none
Final Thoughts: Great job and keep writing. Poetry is an art that will always help people.
First Impression: Different but in a good way, I love the concept and the play on words.
The mention of the refs reminds of how bad the umpires are in baseball this year. They are blind and miss so many calls.
I feel it is a good start but could be fleshed out a little more, explain how you feel besides the heart break or heart aches. What do you actually feel when you see this person and how do you cope with seeing them if it is on a regular basis. Great start though
First Impression: The opening hooks you, because honestly who hasn't felt that way before.
Flow: The poem flowed well and really made it easy to read
Editing: I really don't see anything that needs edited, very well written free form poem.
Concerns: No concerns or anything that I feel is out of place.
Final Thoughts: I feel over all it is well written and a good free form poem. The opening hooks you really well and gives you the ability to read more. You paint with words really well and show a great way to give everyone a visual journey with your words.
This is wonderful. I honestly don't think anyone will match Poe in terms of how he wrote but he is a wonderful inspiration for us. They flow was wonderful while your painting of the scenery was perfect. Lovely piece.
The title caught my eye in th review thread and I thought I would give it a read. The preview is really entrancing to think about someone who might be around in your thoughts when you are trying to escape that.
Flow:
The flow was good, only a little thrown off by the bold questions, is thatthe writer talking to who is around or that the writer thinking out loud?
Editing:
No major editing as I enjoyed it on the first read and it seemed to go great.
Concerns:
No major concerns since I enjoyed it as is
Final Thoughts:
Dark with psychology is a beautiful combo that paints a wonderful picture together. Great job
I like this piece and the writing is good but this is more prose then poetry. It might be Poetic Prose but the evoking nature of the writing isn't their to be quite poetic prose. This seems more speaking your thoughts in a prose format. Welcome and hope to see more.
This is wonderful but I feel this could be turned into another poem, one that tells what happens when you find the page and explain how things might have changed or how you view them now. It is gripping and reads really well. I see no flaws in the poem, and you created something that could easily go further if you wanted it too.
I like the name and a painting a picture of words is something that a lot of artist try to do.
Flow:
Only major thing that I can see wrong is that visual rings should be ring. Rings sounds out of place to me.
The rhyme scheme is nice but the ending to me is just so sudden and you left a lot of unfinished things. I feel you could add a few more stanza to give more depth.
Editing:
Check above
Concerns:
I would say the short finish makes me wonder what could really come out of a few extra lines or stanzas.
This is a good quick poem and it hits an emotional level that a lot of people can relate to.
Flow:
I feel the flow is good but the second stanza might sound better if it started I don't know, my answer, that could've my kiss from fire and then it may have snowed. To me that makes the flow sound a lot better and still keeps your words you wanted.
Editing:
Above Notes
Concerns:
Above but nothing major and only my thoughts.
Final Thoughts:
Beautiful piece that a lot of people can relate to. Great job and keep writing.
Very touching subject but this is more prose then poetry. You are using spoken language instead of emotional words to show insight. Overall it is really good and you tell a powerful story that a lot can relate to.
Oh the beauty and destruction of Sirens. Some people can truly miss these truly beautiful destructive creations. The words are beautiful and show a true beauty in everything that is around you with Sirens. Wonderful and beautiful work.
The ending is a great warning and very true. Well done.
This can be interpreted in a few different ways. My way is that this is about a person in your life who helps you cope with your darkness. The way the person lessens the symptoms in the ending is wonderful and can help show people that how much emotional support helps someone who is suffering.
Short and sweet but really truthful. The dream catcher is something that some people forget about and what they truly mean. The description of the physical form is beautiful and what it does is a great job and well written. Again short and sweet but wonderfully done.
This is a current dilemma for a lot of people even myself. To work and provide or to take time to watch your little ones grow up and make sure you don't miss those special moments in life. Very touching and beautifully written. Something I think a lot of people can relate to on a very personal level.
First Impression: It is good but it needs to be honed and toned into something more paranormal sounding.
Flow: It flowed well besides certain parts sounding like a ghost show from television.
Editing: I would find a way to meet a paranormal investigator or their blogs. Talk to them about what goes on during ghost hunts and how it feels because this sounds to much like TV and Hollywood.
Concerns: Listed Above
Final Thoughts: This is a good start but needs some editing to sound a lot better and not commercialized.
The title was what caught my eye and it gives me thoughts of what might be to come in the poem.
Flow:
The flow of the poem is good but seem to be lacking in a few areas as I got confused with opening stanza because you are missing the opening word. Besides that it sounds great to me.
Editing:
Center format seems to make a more powerful impact on poems. Also changing the title to something different and adding Loneliness to the opening line would greatly help. Check for different synonymous that would be close to loneliness to give it a bang.
Concerns:
No big concerns that weren't addressed in the editing.
Final Thoughts: Powerful poem with a few things that needed to be fixed, great job.
Beautiful and touching. The words show a grasp of love and what it can do to someone emotionally. You captured the visionary elements well and showed a great use of words, storytelling, and flow. The first two stanzas and last two stanzas line up in terms of length which helps with the flow. Well done.
Write on,
RavanaRaven
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