Maybe I'm dumb, but I don't get it. Seems like this is not the actual ending and there's more to come. Perhaps the story isn't finished?
Your descriptions of setting and surrounding was quite good, and I was able to picture everything as John drove to work, but John himself remains a little vague. As were his co-workers when he finally got there.
No spelling or grammatical errors that I noticed, however, the story leaves me feeling rather unsatisfied, if that is actually the ending. I'm hoping there's more.
This is an excellant, excellant (I like that word) essay! You have a real flare for satire and you are a master of sarcasm. I like the way you slip it in, almost unnoticed, which has a way of leaving the reader (me)in stitches.
Yes, I want to be a writer, too. I especially like schlepping around in my pajamas and eating cornflakes at my desk.
This really made me laugh. If I didn't see a different name at the bottom of the page, I could have sworn it was from my sister, who lives in a similar dreamworld! Right on top of things, our Marci! Especially where her children are concerned. That was cute, the 8K race in 45 minutes - she should have walked; it would have only taken her half an hour.
I found no problems, no errors - virtually nothing to complain about, alas, except the fact that I laughed my butt off. Excellant read! I loved it. Thanks for the entertainment.
Excellant piece, Sheng! It needs work and some polishing in the area of grammar and spelling, and your format of delivery is a little daunting, but it's a delightful read. Also, your liberal use of descriptive adjectives makes the scene very vivid in the reader's mind. I can see Miss Marie's predatory leer as she approached you with the scissors.
Tidy it up and if you'd like, let me know so I can come back and read it again.
Once again, thank you for the enjoyment. Much appreciated.
- Rach
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rach55
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 11:28am on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
