Humor is what you are expecting with this story, and humor is what you get. It contains good writing elements, and kept me interested. It is a good length, because I think if it would have been any longer I would have bcome bored.
One thing I didn't like was the "pimply faced" teenager. Maybe I am a little sensitive to the subject, but that just kind of offended me.
The characters you have created are wonderful. The contrast between Felecia, Shay, and Felecia's Mom is very well crafted, and I look forward to reading the other chapters of this book.
Another thing I noticed was the fact that I flew right through this chapter. It flowed incredibly well. I remember looking at it and seeing 15.69 KB and thinking to myself that it will take forever. It didn't and I am glad you wrote this.
I am really sorry it took so long for me to give you a review.
The story is wonderfully written. The descriptions are very well done and make you seem like a very observant individual. I love the characters in ths story, and would love to see them playing a role in something else.
One thing I saw was that the first sentence seemed like a run-on sentence.
Ah, very beautiful imagery and creativity. I like the fact that you can take something that happens so often as the sunrise and make it sound so unique.
Some of the sentences are a little choppy, and break up the flow...
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading that, even to the extent that I read it twice...
Now, I am not much for romance, but I will try my best. The story itself was very well written, and I loved the dialouge. You seem to have a real talent for writing down conversations, and I think you have found a genre you are very good at. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that it was a romance, but that really isn't your fault so much as mine.
Keep up the good work...
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