The concept of Rush Hour is fresh, innovative, and well-executed. It is humorous and reveals much about the course of human relationships through the clever use of a traffic jam metaphor exploited to its max!
The first person narrator uses stream of consciousness to relay the story's events, and his descriptions are bright, crisp and lively without being overdone. There is good sentence variety and flow, and the piece is consistently propelled forward at a pace that keeps the reader eager to continue reading. The author maintained the same tense through the piece. I did not pick up any errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar, which I consider to be indicators of the writer's devotion to quality.
The single suggestion I offer concerns the second sentence of the third paragraph. It discusses the deepening intimacy between the two main characters and the frustration of tourists caught in the afternoon traffic jam. I found the sentence awkward and disjointed. Perhaps two sentences would express things better, or a rewording along the lines of: As the asphalt glimmered and the sun bounced off the hoods of cars, we exchanged our stories, our goals, our ambitions, our past loves, while angry tourists--unused to this kind of backup--impotently struck the sides of their cars with metallic whacks that burned (scorched/singed) their impatient hands(palms).
I thoroughly enjoyed your story and I'm happy to have had the opportunity to read it. I also commend you on your attention to detail and technical mastery of language. I wish you much success with this exemplary short story and all your future writing endeavors.
Peace--
Pitbull
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