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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/philologus
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2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Anarchy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The opening is weak. Unfortunately it is the most important part of a story. I personally feel it gets to the point too quickly. It is fine if you want to leave some information out to make us wonder and keep reading (the eyes) but try and do it more overtly. Your readers are intelligent and can figure out that your leaving the important bit out without you shoving it in our faces.

Also, read this sentence

"They feared the king would come for him so they made him wear a sort of veil to cover his eyes."

Some sort of veil!? Really!? You're the author! You know exactly what kind of veil. Describe it for us, its color, its texture, its shape. Paint a picture in our minds of the entire scenery surrounding the home. Make our picture match yours. Just make sure to leave just enough to the imagination though (in other words, don't over do it!)

Sorry if I came on too strong. Just trying to help you by giving an honest review.
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Review of Life's a Circus  Open in new Window.
Review by Anarchy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I found it incredibly difficult to wrap my mind around the setting and characters. You're basically hoping that after reading enough we'll start to understand where exactly this story is taking place, however, you're throwing it all at us all at once. It's also hard to remember who is who character wise. I recommend spacing the beginning out more and combining characters.
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