This is amazing! The emotion in your piece clearly shines through and it makes the reader (me) curious about the circumstances and yearning for your happiness. I love the king and princess example, it really adds to the feeling of the whole piece. Congratulations on a great write and thank you for doing what you do. Write on!
It's very simple, yet cute and touching. The bolding at the end was a very good idea. I like the use of the door, whether it was literal or metaphorical. Congratulations on a great write. Write on!
I really like your column. I think your topic was very practical, especially since we're all looking for new readers and writers here. You were very informative, and I believe I will do what you say. I believe the sample e-mail was very effective, because that's when I decided your advice was worth while. The article is very objective, but also addresses the need for new writers at writing.com through a personal opinion. Congratulations on a great write! Write on!
The end is very moving. I like the last line with the super, it ties up the whole story and really brings meaning to it all. I would be very interested to see what this would look like in play/movie form. Your characters are well-established and your actions are smooth. You are a very talented writer. Write on!
I love your connection towars the end, with the sea and the sails. It could definitely be expanded on, but it's not necessary. I feel the true emotion in the piece. Wonderful job, write on.
Very interesting. I feel the piece is a little choppy, but it sends a really powerful, deep message. A few placings I see could maybe flow better, but I suggest reading it out loud to determine those, if any. The ending is really powerful and it sparks interest in the reader. An outstanding message, write on!
Wow. Your poem is amazing. Usually I find rhyming a little overrated, but your piece is a wonderful exception. I have to point out my favorite line in the whole poem which is "Time and tide swirl around me" I believe the words flow so perfectly in that line. Beautiful poem, write on!
For a pile of thoughts, I would say it's pretty good. I can't really say I have suggestions for something like this, except for maybe trying to work through it, organize it into something beautiful, which it could very well be. Keep writing!
Very, very touching piece. Wonderful.It could have flowed better in some places, try reading it out loud. There were a few spelling mistakes here and there, but overall, the poem was fabulous. Keep writing!
I am crying right now. This poem is amazing and it all comes together in the last line. "Save a swing in heaven for me Daddy." It sums up the whole message, (that I see) and it is so touching. You are a fabulous writer, and this poem will always lay close to my heart. Keep writing!
WOW! This poem is amazing. I feel it must be soothing to write about something this tragic, and I wish you the best. But, the piece is amazing. I'm actually a little teary eyed. I believe the way you always came back to the "four messages" idea made the poem very clear. The last stanza is a great ending,and even the last line is just something that brightens your day. What a fabulous piece you have written! Keep writing!!
Your piece has great potential. You use very strong language and I like how the whole piece is kind of a plea or a prayer. My thoughts get a little jumbled for you lose focus a couple times. Maybe if every once in a while you came back to a standard statement, or idea, but it's just a thought. Working through the nitty-gritty details and I could see this piece turning into something truly wonderful. Keep writing!
You have a very good start on your hands. I feel like you could expand this into an amazing piece of goals, and resolutions, and things that just make people happy. Your piece made me feel good about myself, and I actually read it three or four times. Check out the book 14,000 things to be happy about, it's something that might give you inspiration. Great job, keep writing!
You are such a great poet. I loved your piece. I actually started to get teared up at the end when he came. I felt like I was actually there, experiencing every single heart-wrenching moment along side her. If you can make your writing that relatable, you can go a long way! Great job! Would you mind checking out some of my stuff too? Amazing piece, keep going!!
You are an amazing writer. You display so much emotion in your poem. I feel like I know what it was like for this person through all of your heart-wrenching details. You can use your great wording of detail and drama and take it a long way. Keep writing!
The letter is spectacular. Very heart felt. I can see the emotion in the words. Its so sad to see what happens from war, and this is just another reminder fo what war does to the good people in this world. Keep writing!
Your piece is very interesting. You use a lot of strong language, which makes it interesting, but the mood is very confusing and I feel it changes a lot. In the beginning, you are very dramatic, with the repitition and everything. Then you go in to the whole I yearn for a soulmate business, then you hit the end with Jesus. I think you have really great talent, but this poem has a little too many highs and lows for my liking. I agree a poem needs different moods to be beautiful, it is just you need to make sure everything flows into each other. Keep going!
I really like your poem, it is touching. I feel we write kind of in the same way which made it really adaptable. I like how you expressed so much emotion in your poem. You could really expand on this piece though, open up to each aspect of the issue at hand. The way you feel, the way the disease is, what it does. It could potentially be a fascinating series or set. Keep going!
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