This is a good piece of poetry that does encompass most of the routines of Thanksgiving. I liked the maturity that was present in immense amounts. I also liked the style and the message in this work.
I could not notice a set pattern of systematic flow in this piece thought you were following an Aba rhyme scheme. That is the only thing I would point out, because I liked most of what you have here.
I liked this poem of yours, it used an interesting choice of words, I liked the consistency in the rhyme and the effort you put into making this yours. I liked the love that kept this poem alive, I could feel it and this is what I loved about your poem.
I did feel that your almost perfect rhyme scheme was a bit forced in some places, such as
Could it be that you've come back to life, and I will just drown.
As long as you give me a dying kiss, it's worth all year round.
However, on the postive side these lines are so full of love and emotion and would hold very true for a heart much in love.
I tread against the current, it's dangerous waves,
Did you mean to write its dangerous waves or it has dangerous waves? The former would not have the apostrophe.
Knowing intuitively that when I do, this shall be my happiest day.
I think it would be better than this in the second clause, but most of my suggestions are subject to opinion. I am new around here and if I upset you in anyway please be generous enough to forgive me.
Now I wish my eyes were cobalt blue! Jokes apart, this was a most beautiful story and it had been sometime time since I read a work of fiction which seemed so believable, really somtimes one must give oneself a break and just let the world seem as magical as Disney once said it was.
Now, at forty I feel I must have spent as much time looking at the clear ble sky as I did looking at my Literature teacher Mrs. Gladys. I enjoyed your story, it was interesting in its descriptions, had an element of surprise which seems to have gone amiss from the work of modern writers and proved to be a read that was truly worth my while.
Warmest reagrds,
Parzania
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/parzania
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 10:34pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
