This poem was enjoyable, and I think we all can relate to taking a roundabout way to express our feelings for someone who is special. I felt a sense of caution, that feeling you get when you like someone, but aren't sure they feel the same. Neat piece. Thanks for sharing.
I can relate all so well to your poem. Life is painful! And, in my experience, most people see the smile and their concern stops there. They don't recognize that the smile is only masking the pain. The smile is painted on, almost as a requirement to get along. Thank you for sharing such deep feelings.
This is actually a beautifully written poem about the passing of life. Well, done. It was gentle... almost welcoming the transition from this life to the next. I didn't get the sense of fear, regrets or even remorse, but a readiness to go home. Awesome job. Thank you for sharing.
It is very difficult to let go, but who says you have to? Allowing children the opportunity to grow into adulthood and watching from a distance can be even more difficult. Mother's are not built to let go, and I think your writing speaks to that point. It also speaks to not knowing how to have a positive and productive relationship with adult children. Interesting piece. Thanks for sharing.
Suggested corrections:
P4... These desires and that mind set (change has to have) kept me going for the past forty-five (45) years.
P5... . I have dine (add a d to make the word dined) with elected officials from across the State of Maryland including a few governors of the State
(consider lower case s).
P6... I spend more attention to them than I do to me even though all of my children are over the age of thirty-five(35) (add a space between five and the ())
P6... and over the past several years,made (add a space between years, made)
P12... One day, while moving at lightening (remove the e to make the word lightning) speed
P12... and I start thinking that it is truly time to start letting go of the children and grandchildren, ifI (remove the l to make the word if) plan
P13... and a hot (add a s to make the word host) of other things that used to make you happy.
Whew... this iwas a tough one for me. It was written well, by the message struck a cord. It is very important to value yourself. It is also important to have a relationship with yourself. This notion seems to be the general position of most everyone today. Me, me, and more me... Me, myself, and I. I believe the world would be a better place if we more closely followed God's teaching. We have to die to ourselves, to our flesh daily, so we can put God first, others second, and ourselves last. Just a few thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours.
True... no air, no life. Your poem was very brief, but it captured and framed a huge topic. It was clear and to the point. Air is an awesome thing. Something that we frequently take for granted. Something that some don't even question, until they don't have it. Nice job!!! Thanks for sharing.
Well do! I can relate, I can relate, I can relate!!! I too have many of these feelings and experiences. Thank you for sharing.
I have a few suggested corrections:
P3 ...the job market is tight; friends, spouses (delete are, change to or) someone other than ourselves believe that we have the best job ever or in my case benefits and pay!
P5 ... the fear of letting g (add to make the word go)
P6 ... (yest (delete the t to make the word yes), I started working at age 7)
P12 ... if I was not competing with the joneses (change to Jones’)
P12... I was not even a footnote in it (add an s to make its) continuation.
P14... and (add I) am grateful for the decision.
P14 ... The human touch and the human support system is (change is to are) awesome.
Thank you so very much for teaching me something new. I'm not familiar with this style of poem; however, I can see from your explination that you did an excellent job in perfect form. You have inspired me to try writing a Tyburn poem. Thank you for sharing.
Nicely done! We are all sinners and fall short of God's requirements of us! Your poem was very effective in capturing this point, however,I think the last line is a very difficult promise to keep. Yet, I appreciate your willingness to want to. Thank you for sharing such a inspirational poem.
A very well written short poem. You used very descriptive words that made your poem very easy to visulize. I could see the still of the summer's night walk with you dog, and I could relate to sudden change in the peace of the night; causing a need for primitive instincts to be envoked. Good job. Thanks for sharing.
Oh, the last day of school... don't I remember that day. It was a very happy day, but also a very sad one too. That constant in my life ended, and as I get from your written, while you were happy about, you felt a sense of reservation too. A closing of a very important chapter in your life, and yet the begging of a new one. I enjoyed this piece and it captured a feeling that I think most people can relate to.
Happiness can always shine through. I see happiness in your poem, especially in the beginning. As you progressed through the poem, the happiness is kind of over shadowed by the power of some of the words you chose; however, when I look deeper, the happiness is still there, and I can see it breaking through. Thank you for sharing.
Oh my! I felt like I just experienced someone's death. The poem was very brief, but it was very, very intense. The ways the letters were positioned on the page added a feeling of helplessness... confusion, so it added another demension to the poem. Thank you for sharing.
Boy can I relate to your poem! Sometimes the memories just become to much. I never thought about washing it clean, but I frequently wish I could just turn it off. Maybe I'd still like to remember those things at some point, but that off button would be very helpful in allowing me to heal and even sleep. Your poem said so much, and it captured a lot of emotion. Thanks for sharing.
This was very different. Initilly, I was confused, and the story didn't make sense to me. However, after the second time through, I better understood what was written. I found the story very interesting, and I wanted to read more even though I'm not usually a fan of horror/scary stories.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nbarnes07
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 3:57pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
