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Review of Chlorine  Open in new Window.
Review by Marc Sakr Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a powerful piece and I can definitely feel the emotions running through it. Overall, it displays both artistry and sensitivity. It is easy to read, however the pacing of the poem itself can be manipulated to better affect the reader through more consistent use of punctuation. You have a lot of good ideas, but they are sometimes melded together when they should be taken in one at a time. I appreciate the motif of colours in the work and the transition from pills in the beginning and bacteria in the end. The last two lines, however, can be better connected to the rest of the poem, I think. Right now they kinda stick out at the end of the stanza. (Was this your intent, perhaps?). If I have understood the poem correctly, there is a progression from finding a cure to "cleaning" your soul so maybe make it more deliberate, final, and connected to the rest of the poem. Also, in the third to last stanza, I would reconsider the placement of the first line. Is it a transition? Would you, then, consider making it stand out a bit more? This would suit the rest of the poem which, indeed, stands out as an innovative and strong piece of writing. I hope my suggestions help. I would be thrilled for you to look at some of my own work! Until then, happy writing! -Marc
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