It is hard to be the first child in a family, for example, because you become mostly more understanding and as sacrificial as a parent would be, sometimes. Your use of ‘Leader of the pack’ made me say this. I do understand that situation a bit, having watched it and learned from a close range.
Wow. When I saw the length, I wondered why it had to be that short. I got to know it's the right size after reading. The message was passed in a congealed form, methinks.
My questions are: what would this guy want, and how long would this flowery atmosphere be? Mirages always look promising at first.
This is a good starting point. From what I observed, you don't plan to stop here; you are thinking bigger.
Your hook at the beginning was okay. It made me start wondering what really happened, so that I could understand how that would bring about the change that took place in your protagonist.
That you chose to set the story in winter stood out too. People usually like to set their own in dry seasons, history says.
Finally, the font size is too small for full good experience. I know I'm not alone in thinking this.
I did enjoy the story. It reminded me of the first book in the Dresden files series.
This is the kind of detective story I missed reading. I liked the clear, interesting images and the resourcefulness of the protagonist.
Finally, I think the hero's view of women is outdated, irritating and disturbing. His sense of superiority and way of looking at women will probably raise dust among some feminists.
This is the part that spoke exclusively to me, 'The moments are what come to mind when I think about the books I like best—moments that stick in my mind as pictures. When you’re deep into reading a book that you’re very fond of, the images pass through your mind and leave a permanent impression. I don’t tend to remember the ideas as strongly. For me, a novel’s conceptual framework generally takes a backseat to the images that tell the story. Ultimately, these images are more important and enduring than what the writer believes.'
I really need to make better scenes than I do, and this would help.
Myself felt as when one sees a video or picture of beautiful moments. One might not be in the circle of those having the moment, but one can still enjoy the moment, laught and cry with those feeling it directly. That's one of the beauties of life.
Greetings from here.
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| (4.5)
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