\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meteofan07
Review Requests: OFF
121 Public Reviews Given
166 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Bigsmile* Hey Michelle! *Bigsmile*
Thank You for sharing this poem *Smile*

OVERALL THOUGHTS: This is a very, very well done piece. Your questions are questions that so many people in this world face when in a relationship, especially one that has existed for so long.

BEST PARTS: "To ignore a love that has been dormant for years? An electric current that continues to hurt". I love this line because even when we ignore a love that has lasted so long, it is still there and hurting. It hurts because all love can cause pain, especially when you purposely try to disregard it.

"When distant hearts meet they are still not complete" is also a fantastic line. I believe it means when two people fall in love, they are not completed by said love. We are taught by disney and other things that once you find love, you are complete...but that is certainly not the case at all. Or at least, i think people need something else going for them in their lives haha.

SUGGESTIONS: "The passion is there but the reasoning gone" is only slightly awkward at the words "reasoning gone", though that is probably just me. Maybe "reasoning is gone" or "reasoning--gone". Personally i prefer the later. Even without this your poem shines. *ThumbsUp*

Once again, Fantastic job!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
2
2
Review of I am not a poet  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

Wow, this is a wonderful poem for someone who is "not a poet". I can identify with a lot of what you are saying here because I am 21 and have not experienced the wide variety of things this world will offer. Love, often times, escapes me for this reason. So i think the subject of this poem is awesome and so current.

Your word choices are simply great. Words like "glittering" and "slicing" are proof of this. I liked the overall flow of this piece, too.

M y favorite part of this poem is the ending. "I am numb to them" is such a great cap to a great poem. It allows the reader to really understand that the narrator is completely oblivious to the "poetic" things around him such as emotional beauty and so on. I also really enjoyed the line "I do not have the right to speak of these things", as if the narrator is underestimating himself somehow. very cool.

Great Job on this!
Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
3
3
Review of When life ends  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, give me chills why don't you. I love how this piece is so powerful that it can cause me to feel such great emotion by simply reading through it. Your allusion to suicide is so mesmerizing because the speaker realizes that it may be a mistake to do such a thing, but the pain is just too great to withstand anymore. My favorite part of this poem is the repition of the lines "darkened sky/fallen shadows/heavens cry" because it is such a beautifully dark image. Great job with the imagery in such few words!

Fantastic work!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
4
4
Review of Breathe  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another great one! "no time to breathe" is an interesting repeated line with greatness hidden within it because there really is no time to breathe, think, or react when someone is totally berating you for something that is utterly non-sensical or just plainly being mean. In the final stanza you state that you desire to help the out-of-control person but you need time to breathe and think in order to do so...conundrum! "no time to breathe" because of the person's behavior. So, you must wait to a more stable time to help the person, if such a time exists. It is like with a manic individual, you can't really do therapy at that point. That's my analogy for today.

Overall this poem is amazing to me. Again, your poetic but somehow straightforward language makes the emotion so accesible. Great!

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
5
5
Review of A Mother's Cry  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

Now this is excellent poetry! I think you will know all to well that my mother would totally nod her head in agreement with what you are saying here. My favorite line in this poem is "the most beautiful sound not heard" because it illustrates so clearly that strong mothers cry in silence, away from her children, so that she can be strong for her children always.

I love the sytle that you use in this piece. It is very straight-forward yet poetic, making it very expressive and pure. Very well done!

Keep on writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
6
6
Review of Autumn  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

Very nice poem! i thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. Your lines melt into one another beautifully and your rhythm is simply great. Again, your word choices are amazing. I like the usage of these words in particular: trickle, guise, yellow carpet, palette, plight. Very nice. You also utilize personification very well in several places, notably "she declares the advent of winter" and, my favorite line, "as nature spreads her yellow carpet". Very well done with the imagery, too. I love yuor style, diction, and use of personaification throughout this poem. Great Job!

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
7
7
Review of Apple-pie  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

Interesting piece of alliteration here. Overall i liked it. It just seems a little choppy in that it is missing words in it to explain what Andre is doing in the third and fourth lines. it would make more sense if you said "Although (a word that makes it known it is 'he') ate an apple-pie amply, avidly asked (maybe put "about") additional amounts". This is solely my oppinion, though, and remember this poem still amused me and that is a huge plus! good work!

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
8
8
Review of Love's Sunset  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

Very nice poem here. The style s so interesting, and to be honest i have never read one of these before. "love's sunset" is such a cool metaphor that you utilized because it gives an interresting piece of imagery to a waning love. Though, at the same time, you also note that the love and everything associated with it was a "lie" as noted in the second stanza. Perhaps that is simply the speaker's attempts to console herself, though, in making herself believe that. Either way it works out very well. your word choices are great in this poem like when you use the word "coquette" to describe a woman who just wants a man's attention for the sake of making herself feel better. Very nice there. My favorite line is a simple line, but it sounds great and fits in well to the poem: "With sorrow I am beset."

Overall you created wonderful visuals within your poem and you made your emotions very clear. Again, your style and word choices stand out to me the most. Awesome job!

Keep Writing,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
9
9
Review of Solo  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a very expressive piece as it shows a lot of who you are and gives a deep understanding of your fears. I love that you say that you just casually ignore the fact that your existence as it is now may come to an end; that your happiness may just be a falsehood. The repetition of the phrase "i was never meant to be solo" is well done because it shows your fear that you cannot hold onto life without someone there to guide you along as your "other half". On the other hand, you state that you can learn to control your own life and take your happiness into your own hands. You also say that you can start preparing for the ultimate 'aloneness' today instead of waiting. It is just an interesting mix of turmoil here because you will pretend all is ok, but you have the ability to take control. it is a lot like knowing you can do something, but you choose not to do anything about it out of the fear of it. Very well written and expressive piece, i love it.

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
10
10
Review of The Secret  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

Ok, so i don't quite understand this completely. Not because your writing or anything like that, just because i need to think about it longer than just five minutes. Does it have something to do with being with someone for so long that you begin to feel disconnected from that person and the memories? And trying to avoid your feelings but now you reach in and actually deal with them? Anyway, it was a great read and i shall ponder this. It's quite beautiful with its melancholic tone. Well done :)

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
11
11
Review of Along the way  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey again!

You do a great job here of establishing an overall tone. Yes, you realize that you are working toward your goals and becoming more mature as an individual person, but you feel sadness and regret over forgetting about the goals you shared with another (a lover i am guessing). Isn't it strange that in order to become a better person individually we must sacrifice our relationships? oh, boy have i done that recently.

I love your poetry, your style is so unique and you create thought-provoking and emotional works that move and sway me. Very well done!

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
12
12
Review of Hungry Soul  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

So i really really like this one. The way that you present your desire for this other person in such a pleading, passionate way is truly remarkable. My favorite line of the many great ones here is "feasting on your attention". wow. I also loved your usage of the word "devouring" in describing your begging appetite for him. You really do make it seem that he is the salvation for your "hungry soul". I LOVED your idea that you are a "scavenger attacking its prey" because it really creates the motif that you will take this attention and affection from whoever will give it. Very, very well done! i am impressed. I can offer no suggestions.

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
13
13
Review of Dead on arrival  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey again

So i am guessing, and tell me if i am wrong in my interpretation, that jennifer and joe were on a hijacked plane, possibly headed for the world trade center of the pentagon on 9/11. I get that because their deaths still "send shock waves". I thought that this was a very good, touching representation of such an event. You did a great thing with a tough subject. :)

I thought your diction and general flow/rhythm were not quite up to perfection, but did they need to be? To me, good poetry effectively exudes great emotion from the reader. you did that for me, so great job!You created a political piece without drawing battle lines as well, so again, good job.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this short poem! very well done! Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
14
14
Review of A Dream Molder  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

I enjoyed reading your poem "A Dream Molder". this is very well written in sensible verse, and i like the overall flow and continuity within this piece.

My suggestion to you is to slightly speed-up the action by makig your passive verses more active. "different options for developing" sounds better to me, at least, as "different options to develop". The following line could use the same love in my oppinion.

Overall i liked this piece, and remember, these suggestions are purely my own and you can disregard them if you wish. Thank you for offering such an interesting, well-written piece!

Keep Writing!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
15
15
Review of The Escape Plan  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your writing style is unique and your story-telling ability is great, to me at least. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story, and i find it curious and fascinating that this actually happened. Your are the Dave of whom you speak? Anyway, back to the story. To me, this is a highly creative and interesting set of events that you record. The way in which you consistently bring in Dave's mathematical, analytical, and calculating mind is very cool to say the least.

However, some aspects of this story can be somewhat confusing to a reader, such as the ending and the relationships between the characters Dave and Maureen, for example. I suggest making this story longer to add more detail about said things. I like the fact that the story is somewhat elusive, though, because a good mystery and using some brains is always, always a good thing. But this may be a little too elusive. Maybe you meant it to be this way, i dont know.

There are also some grammatical errors scattered through this piece, nothing major at all. Hardly noticeable to the casual reader, actually. these sentences are examples of some that may need some brief attention:

(a) Fire came next. Had to.
(b) Daves choices were clear, and stark
(c) forgotten kinda place

a-- Overall, i am enamored by your use of vernacular speech when getting inside Dave's (your) mind. However, The part "had to" is simply grammatically incorrect, unless used in dialogue. "It had to" would suffice.

b--"Dave's"; a mere oversight. just a formality :)

c--Again, love the vernacular as long as it holds true to simple grmmar rules. "kinda" is not really a word unless used in speech--kind of.

Let me emphasize that i love the vernacular diction that you have going on throughout. It is best in this kind of writing because it truly allows the reader to get inside Dave's head, so to speak. You do a splendid job with this throughout with just a couple of minor mistakes, just read this over carefully. Though mainly vernacular, your diction also includes more elevated words that make your writing much more interesting and rich. I gave you a 4 because this piece has potential to be amazing and very amusing. Just maybe make it longer to avoid some confusion by adding detail, and fix the few grammatical errors.

as a side note, it humors me that you placed this under the genre "how-to/advice".

Keep Writing!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

16
16
Review of Silent Seduction  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a great poem because, once again, your word choices are brilliant in representing just the right tone to the reader. Your use of alliteration, especially in the first line of the final stanza with the letter "t" also stands out vibrantly and makes for great reading. Thank you for sharing!

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
17
17
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

Thanks for sharing this great poem! What stands out to me the most about this piece is the use of interesting diction. Your word choices are great in that they produce an awesome tone for the poem as a whole. My favorite line was "the barbed wire that surrounded my heart, corroded" because it is a unique metaphor that i wouldn't have ever thought of. Overall, this was a great poem with awesome diction and metaphor!

Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
18
18
Review of Italian Grandmas  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well done. How similar, yet dissimilar we all can be--that is a very good point. This left me with this sense of melacholy awe. Your tone was beautiful for this reason. Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
19
19
Review of Time Bomb  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. What a wonderful piece of poetry! "Romance full of smoke and Spark" is my favorite line here because that is how i see romance and desrire, like a time bomb ready to explode and sending out warning sparks. very cool. The sexual innuendo in here serves your point well. I think this is a very, very good poem that is just about flawless and perfect! At first read, "shadow dancing in the dark" sounded a tad off when read with the other lines...i orginally thought the beat was off (syllable stresses), but i re-read and it sounded good.

thanks for the awesome read! Keep Writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
20
20
Review of Recovery  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have to want to change in order to change. You present here an interesting speaker who is uncertain and anxious of her willingness to commit to recovery--whether it be psychotherapy, rehab, or whatever. I opened with the line above in this review because my favorite line in your poem is "do i need to believe?" it is such a simple line, but it is so truthful. Like i said, a desire to change is necessary for change to occur. So i love the message of this poem. My problem in this poem lies in it's structure and organization. the middle portion of the poem (the series of questions) does not flow exceedingly well. The rhythm is off because of scattered syllable usage in this section. this is solely my oppinion, and i am no expert on poetic style, so ignore me if i am sounding wrong. Overall, i really enjoyed reading this poem, its message is so relateable to me right now. Thanks for sharing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
21
21
Review of Delusion  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading this piece. It speaks of the speaker being blown off because she loves this man but he tells her that love is merely an illusion that does not exist. He simply tells her that she is being delusional in her thinking and emotions. It sounds like this man is a very non-emotional, cold, logical man, but it is more likely that he is just disinterested and, well, mean. Or it could be both?I like the ending because the speaker stands up for herself and declares that she, and what she feels, is real and true. After he hurts her, it is clear that he does want her after she becomes weak, but appearances are only paper thin. She stands up for herself in the end and says no and kind of mocks him. I like that. You created two very interesting characters in very little time. One is a woman who may at first doubt herself, feel weak, and is hurt but eventually becomes strong at the realization that she does not have to put up with some "mean" man and his attempts to use her. The other character is this man, a complex creature who seems to be a domineering type who needs to have a woman be weak and feel disgusted with herself for him to want her. He may appear to be logical and rational on the surface, he is actually an emotionally-driven person. this is a great poem! so much in such little space...


Thank you for the awesome read!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

22
22
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your piece of poetry here. I thought your flow and structure was ecellent! well done there. but you are wondering why i gave you a four. Though i like the topic, it's just a bit oversused. Your message doesn't really say anything very clear and memorable. Though, i must admit this is one reader;s take on this...and it is a WONDERFUL holiday read. It really is. thank your for sharing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
23
23
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked this piece. Outwardly, it could pass as a great children's poem, but its message and theme are deep and clear. It kind of reminded me, in a good way, of the wizard of oz for multiple reasons. First, it is presented as a children's story, but its themes and symbols are very deep and adult-oriented. The second reason, is who got dorothy to the emerald city? she had help and guidance. Just as you are saying that you rely on friends to get you places. Friends all with their own special abilities and traits. I hope you didn't mind my relating it to the wizard of oz...but it seemed apropos :) this is a great poem! the more i think about it, the more i do love it.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
24
24
Review of Those Words  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
The love and beauty here are amazing. I am not going to admit to knowing exactly what this one means, it's a bit deep once you re-read it. Love is something that i do not believe can ever be expressed with words. It can really only be expressed through action, or rarely, innaction. It is the things that people do that affirm love for others; the unexpected things, the needed things, and the things that are just wanted. Only through love can these occur, and only through these can love be shown. in your poem, you "set those words free" when that special, loving bond is formed and those actions become enacted. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful, thought-provoking, beautiful poem!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

25
25
Review of Addiction  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a great poem! Love can really be an addiction. I love your phrase "take over my brain waves", and i am glad it is repeated. It really does illustrate the obsessive thoughts that we develop over our love addictions. i love the ending because it exemplifies percieved rejection so well, or feelings of abandonment. What is most interesting to me about this poem is that you nearly pose the question-what is it that you love? the individual? or the obsessive addiction? Not only is this poem thought-provoking, it speaks to the soul as well. You have a lovely mix of flow and passion that works out to deliver a great poem. Thanks for sharing this!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
48 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meteofan07