First off, let me start with some positives. I like the way you set the atmosphere at the opening of the scene- a dark, quiet night, peaceful, and at a first glance with little prospect for violence or danger. Your word use is good- you don't use the same descriptors over and over, you keep things from becoming stagnant.
A few comments- in your very first sentence, you just tell us it was dark. Rather than just stating it, maybe show us, adding it into your second sentence where you describe the scene more.
Also, try to avoid the reoccurring reference to the 'first man' and the 'second man.' Maybe give some descriptor to the first man- even if it's as simple as changing him to 'the man in black.' You could call the second man 'the assassin' or 'assailant,' as it's fairly obvious he fits those roles here.
Also, maybe describe the area of the chase a little more- I admit I was a little confused at the walls Sam ran into and what sort of area he was encountering.
My last comment is about your last line- if this is not a parody of James Bond movies, and it seems not to be, as it has a serious tone, I wouldn't recommend using a famous British spy's most famous introductory line to introduce your British spy. It is not only unoriginal- why doesn't your character have his own way to introduce himself?- but it breaks the image of your character as his own entity.
I did have a few questions as well- if Sam has a gun, why did he run from a man with a knife? He obviously isn't against shooting or otherwise harming him. It just struck me as odd that a trained spy who is portrayed as unafraid of violence would flee from a less-armed opponent. By the same note, your assassin was able to chase down the spy and was willing to attack him with only a knife, and you state he is well-trained, but he runs after a single kick from Sam. Why?
I hope you find these thoughts helpful, and I look forward to seeing where your story goes!
--Mercutio85
I see what you are trying to do with a lot of this, but there are some issues holding you back in my opinion. First off, your grammar needs some attention. For a major example, your third sentence- the one describing the crowd around Alex- is almost unreadable; I can feel what you are trying to do, but each character breaks the flow of the sentence all over again. You try to squeeze too much into one sentence- and by the time you reach the end, the beginning has lost any impact.
A few other things caught my eye as well- your drop point does a good job of showing Alex as more savvy then his co-conspirators, but does so to an unrealistic point. If they really have been doing this for more than 11 years, as the Lt. later tells Alex, such an obvious drop would have killed many agents- maybe re-assess that section and find a way to show that Alex is very good and his compatriots are only mediocre, rather than making him look fairly standard, and them look inept.
On a related note, the Lt. comments on how Alex seems 'special,' but your reader is given no real indication of this other than being told- in fact, you even make him seem less observant than others around him when you mention that he was selected in part by the 'trouble' he got into when he was younger, and his mother notices that his friends are 'ne'er do wells'- and these two facts confirm one another- but he never saw his friends in a negative light. Ask yourself- do you really want an undercover cop who can't recognize criminals when he is working with them?
I think you have a good feel for what you want to write, but it needs some polish and maybe some re-thinking on a few points. I'm curious to see where you plan to go with it. Try reading it loud to find the awkward parts and grammar issues, maybe re-asses a few details, and see what comes of it.
I hope this helps a little,
Mercutio85
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