Hey there! Great idea for this piece, very creative and flows like a great story. I especially enjoyed the last stanza, where the protagonist sees a new life. However, I found myself getting a little jumbled in the actual events of the story. I suggestion would be to make the climax (when you realize your wife's lover is your ex-boss, in my opinion) REALLY pop. This was a great part and essential plot detail that just kind of got lost. Maybe if you could work on building up to that one thing, it would make it funny and shocking. Anyways, great job and very enjoyable read!
Hi there! This poem has very lovely cadence, which fits with the simplicity of the subject. I have to ask, are you trying to focus more on the rhythm or the subject? If the rhythm is simply a byproduct of the subject, then it sounds great. If you're trying to give both rhythm and subject equal attention, I would go through and check the tempo of the piece. For the most part it's great, there's just a couple places that could use some going over. For example, the first two lines of every stanza match each other, but the last two lines are usually off. The poem doesn't suffer if the lines don't match, but I think it's an option and something to be aware of. Anyways, great job! And keep writing you have a talent!
Hi there! This poem has a very nice rhythm, is very easy to read, and I especially appreciate the honest character of it. I really feel as if I'm reading into your past. The simplicity of the peom is also comforting. One thing I will comment on is to watch how often you repeat yourself. The repetition adds to the comforting honestly, yet it also fails to add new information to the poem. Perhaps try to change the wording of your one repeating line or have a differenct action every stanza. All in all good work and enjoyable read!
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