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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mandylou
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Sound  Open in new Window.
Review by M L Ward Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again, I was so excited about your last story, I decided to read this one, too! I love how it's completely relatable. I think everyone who reads this will understand. I would caution you on things like having your characters suddenly finding themselves sitting up or doing other random activities. It's more effective to say things like "Before I knew it, I was upright in bed" or "I was suddenly sitting up". Not that finding yourself doing something all of a sudden isn't possible, it's just a little disorienting if your own protagonist can't stay in his head. Also disorienting if the italics of the narrator's thoughts. We're already in his head, so there's not much reason to make them italicised. In fact, you don't really need any of them in the story. Now, you can use a few of them if you put quotation marks around them and have him talking to himself. It sort of puts another nail in the coffin of Fred being crazy. I really did enjoy this story, especially because I just moved into my first apartment and I'm not used to all the noises yet, so I understand where he's coming from. It's definitely an extreme scenario of what anyone goes through. Thanks, and keep writing!
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Review of Trick or Tweet  Open in new Window.
Review by M L Ward Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a very good story! I love any kind of utopian/distopian/apocalyptic story, and this was really good! The only thing I would suggest to look at is the order of events in chapter 6. While I understand it's a work of fiction and you have more leeway with what happens, I don't think that a gang of people would resort to such drastic measures as attacking others for food if the disaster has only lasted 7 days. Usually people don't run out of food and stuff that quickly. I do love that you put an importance on people's reliance on technology in modern society, making it believeable that people would volunteer for a chip that would download information to your brain directly. I honestly think that you could expand things and make it into a full length novel. Keep writing!
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mandylou