That was a good story the way you moved from scene to scene was great , you made a very decriptive and visual picture and you touched some feeling and emotion in the way you had them interact in their dialogue. You kept a little mystery and tension in the story with a few twist that made a person wonder what was next. The character devlopement did show what type of people the three guys were and why they got what was coming to them. I like those type of on the edges stuff.
That was one of the best story that I have read in a long time, it had all the element that make a good story. beginning middle and end it had twist conflict tension supense I love the way you use dialoge to intronduce some facts, and deveople cahracter I'm tring to write using some of those techniques and build strong story like this one I hope the rest of your stories are as interesting and educational. I also like the plot and the imagination of the story line
That was a nice story you are right there are so many rules some that are just for others some just for me , who's to say which rule a person should follow the ones that are good for that person? well what's one more rule to be broken but is it broken if that rule is for you?????
That was an interesting story the meeting between the boy and the little girl was done well it allowed me to see a little of his character you devopled it in a logic way and some of the clues such as the childern on the bike not seeing them , why she is in his school , when he seen her before lead more to the mystery when she mention that she was sick and wanted to tell her parents that she was ok , made the ending and why he was so helpful to some one he didn't know, much clearer to me he knew that he helped her home for a reason.
The story was great it started with good character and scene development it invoked some emotion that I have felt about death and how we feel after someone die in the begining i wondered what her death had to do with the story then you made it clear that there was some deceiption involed when the police arrived that part started the tension and mystery , the fixsation on the blue pill added to what part did it play in the stroy. When you wrote about the killing of his little girl I thought that I had the answer to the story line. And in the end you pulled out the greatest twist to the story , in all his confusion and planing he didn't anticipate that his son was so careing that he gave his daddy something that his daddy like and that was a blue M&M
That was a great story it kept me interested from the beging. At frist wanting to know what was the great battle this person (and i did think a person)was preparing for first i thought a holy battle than one for his homeland. What was the metal beast?? the detrmination to win . you showed it all in your decription very visual. Than the final twist the atually encounter with the metal beast, you unfolded the end by telling us it was internal dialoge of a deer and his battle with a truck that was great.
The begining took a long time to start to me it was a lot of facts about the charater that could have spreaded out throughtout the story, to gain a little interest in the charater . I didn't want to know everything about him right away let me learn him as we go along so i could learn to love or hate him. The part where he met the women wasn't decriptive enough being that she was the motivating factor for his change. It was refered to thoughtout but the actual point when she made the impression on him was glossed over
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