An enchanting tale! I think that developing this story into a full length novel would result in a real work of art!
While I understand that this is a (very) short story I feel that the description of each scene has been left to a bare minimum.
Also the dialogue is halting, a little less formal would make it flow more smoothly.
A tip that i was given a few years ago, "We don't speak the same way as we talk." It served me well, although I occasionally catch myself falling into over-formality!
Develop this piece further, I'd like to read the extended version!
The three star rating is because I'd like to see the changes and read it again.
Fantastic! I want to read more!
Nixie, you have a AMAZING ability to make your reader SEE the scenes that you describe. The grammar can sometimes be a little confusing but that could be a simple question of English usage, as we use slightly different grammar in each of the English speaking contries.
An extremely enjoyable read!
I have only one problem with this story...I WANT MORE!
I also think that this would adapt perfectly to the screen, whether big or small!
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