Seriously, it's one of the best, if not the best virtue poem I've read. I've much to learn, as a mere shadow when compared to your greatness of the use of verse. If you could suggest me anything, please do.
Anyhow, I send 500gp for any use you have. Again, bravo.
Pretty good. It is true that this is a major concern nowadays: I avoid social sites myself. But I must review on a few things that are worth pointing out: first, in one of the first lines, you wrote: 'My blonde hair was curled and my blue eyes stood...', where I'd advise using 'My curled blonde hair and my blue eyes stood...", then, when throwing the apple, it was 'as I thrown' when it should be 'as I threw'. Last but not least, and in fact the most important: STICK TO A TENSE. You in one instanced changed from past to present before the conclusion, which is quite bad, as your story has potential.
A few things to say. First, I must say, well done! It is a good metaphor of a poem. Also I recommend making an autumn one, as the ending (the mushrooms) may lead to an interesting poem in the future. Also, I'd like to point out that unless it's a name, you start a sentence or is the word I, avoid using caps. I say so as every verse begins with one (the I's are needed, yes, those are fine).
In short, I expect you to write more of these sooner or later. Really.
Lovely, bravo. In terms of format, you could avoid the spacing, maybe. Also, you can make somewhat of different stanzas, as it is long enough and has some differences. I'd also recommend maybe, although I like it this time, rephrasing some things in other poems. I think, if you used the 'Once the storm has passed' as I think you have, that you've chosen well. Otherwise, lucky shot mate! :D
I must say, it's a lovely story, but a few things could make it even more desirable. Forget of 'as if's, and use other methods to express it. Also, there's some lack of '-ed's for some verbs you were using in a past tense. Generally, I'd say to avoid using double verbs. An example to the as if thing:
'As Death swung the blade down, it was as if there was no weight behind it.' I'd make it change to:
'Its blade swung down seemingly with no weight behind' (You already had mentioned both Death and his scythe)
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