Oh, I too was a goddess.....the days of fairytales and faith also a distant memory for me! Your words and imagery perfect, the sentiment universal and your talent impressive.
THANK YOu for a wonderful piece and congratulations on your award!
Absolutely perfect! Unfortunately so. The imagery and the message are extremely powerful and important for our society to consider. I hope you publish this peace and bring a moment of awakening to our society which has lost all perspective!
This is an enjoyable representation of a writer's anguish to express himself not only to others, but for others. How unfortunate it is that our most talented and brilliant authors are not capable of seeing their own talent.
This is a very touching piece of work. It transports me vividly to a couple and the precious love they once shared. My heart aches for your daughter in the end and hope will answer her prayers and yours with peace.
The third from last paragraph has a typo in the third line. "kind fof stories" Other than that, I enjoyed this. Your attention to detail and the style of your story telling maintains this reader’s interest. The ending was funny, who hasn't drifted off from exhaustion and startled awake in a most awkward manner?
Interesting piece. The pace seem fast, like thoughts racing through your mind, I like that! It gives me a feeling that you have so many ideas and hopes that you can't always pick which one.
My favorite lines:
Afflicted with choice
Have no voice, want to shout
Find my way out
Plagued with doubt
Just can’t know, want to grow
Not just run, not just fun
We’ve only just begun?
Jenny get the gun!
This is a short, simple poem with wonderful rhythm and rhyme. I wouldn't change anything except, perhaps, length? Leave them wanting for more is a good philosophy though...
This poem is nicely written. I see no errors or changes that I am qualified to recognize. The message flows smoothly through a quiet rhythm and rhyme. The message to me is that life/death, love/hate all require balance and without one the other is not possible. To hide from this important life fact is impossible. I find, for me, that pain actually increases my ability to appreciate joy and happiness.
This poem is important and delivers a powerful message.
My name is luvleepoet and I would like to review "Take Me Away".
This is a beautiful piece of art. I see no errors and the rhyme flows smoothly throughout the piece. Imagery is very important to me in poetry and you have done a heavenly job!
I would not change a thing and the poem very sweetly takes me to the place of fairies and serenity,
Beautiful work! I can feel the bond and the cherished memory of a loved one never to be forgotten. I think this is well written and flows nicely throughout.
I'm very new here, so I hope my opinion is not found presumptuous.
"Daddy can you hear me" is powerful material. I was taken smoothly along this little boy's heartache and held captive until, a somewhat awkward end.
I enjoy the rhyme, mostly because I seem to be caught up in rhyming my work now, lol. The only minor changes I might consider would be:
Line 14) my heart is yours eternally wherever I'm forced to go
Line 15) I'll keep thinking of you daddy and hope you find me
Line 16) as I keep on praying daddy, can you please hear me?
Line 17) I’ll continue praying daddy, until the day you come...listen closely daddy let your heart hear me
Only minor suggestions, I hope they are not out of line. I just felt the end a tiny bit rough, but all in all, very compelling work!
Your work has a nice flow and a much appreciated message about the demands a few ideas can put upon a writer until the demands are met. I think it is good when you have a message that refuses to be set aside. I would suspect that these, like this one, will find your best acceptance because they have built-in passion. I agree with the editor's taste, this is a piece worth highlighting.
I really enjoy the flow of the first few lines, but after that the flow seems to have broken up. There is real emotion here and a message most worthwhile, I just would like to see you rework it to match the first few lines. Good Job and keep at it, the only failure there is in life is the failure to try.
I'm not sure how this piece makes me feel. There are emotions present, but for me, I get lost within an "uneasy" flow of the piece.
I think it has potential and I'm not sure if my review is helpful, but I hope you continue to work on it. I feel there is an important message conveyed.
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