I like the idea behind the poem, however, the presentation leaves the reader wanting. Your words are very specific and portray, appropriately, what I believe you intending to, yet the lack of rhythm and rather wanting symbolism leaves much to be desired. I suggest that you incoporate a deeper value of the idea of life being a battle worth fighting. As well as possibly rewording the first two stanzas because they are rather short, and although to the point, do not refine the purpose of your metaphor: they simply state in very abrupt fashion your intention and then your poem digresses into a more descriptive tone, which does not allow for the poem or your idea to develop as it should.
The attempt is good though, and the metaphor for life appropriate, yet it could use work.
A strange representation of dislike or appreciation, which one it is i'm not sure.
It's a good start, yet your rhyme scheme of AABB in each quatrain is rather simplistic, and would be unappealing if this were a more serious poem. And using slang such as botha when the rest of your poem is written in usual language is a lapse in presentation, because the diction of the poem is set by your analysis of poets and poetry itself, and the difficulty of such, and you then revert to the addition of contempory ineptitude of speech that misleads the direction of your poem.
it's a good start though if you are a beginning poet. Try experimenting alittle more with you rhyme schemes, meter, form, etcetera., and you may be able to develop more qualitative work.
Your story was well written, although at first it was unclear what species you were trying to personify. I thought it was some prehistoric scenario of two species differing in size and capability, however, much to my surprise it was the battle between humans and bugs; naturally the title should have made me relate the actual events, but I guess I did not put much thought into it.
I liked how you were able to relate the idea of community and survival into the psyche of insects, and attribute the insects with human perspective since it is a prevalent conception to dismiss such creatures as mere pests rather than beings: not to mention i never thought of the matter of extermination of bugs as genocide. It was a novel idea that provokes more thought than just the scenario presented; the mist made me think of the gas warfare of battles such as world war ii and like wars where such tactics were utilized.
overall it was an enjoyable read due to your creative ability of personification and word choice and usage. Keep writing, because it seems you have a clever ability to associate the obscure or commonplace with the more significant realities of action.
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