This is a well-written piece. I found it to be very infomative, and well constructed. You have presented your facts clearly, and it is an easy piece of writing to read. One question for you... Most persuasive articles usually address the other side of the issue. You do an excellent job with this in the first paragraph, and I would be interested in seeing you confront these opinions throughout the piece. I think that this would make your writing stronger, and give even more validity to the points that you make. The structure I teach is to have three main arguments that you plan to address within your piece, state these arguments, then give your opinions with facts to back them up. Just a suggestion! You are a strong writer!
You have some very unique description in this poem! It really pulled me in and made me think about what you are saying through your words. One suggestion - have you read this out loud to yourself? There are places where the flow of the poem is broken or disjointed. I think there are a couple of places where you could rearrange the words, or choose a different way to get you meaning across to help the poem flow more smoothly.
Nice work!
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