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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lild1227
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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of The Sword of Elam  Open in new Window.
for entry "The Royal Khanate" Open in new Window.
Review by EddyD Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
As I do with every review, I'll start with what the errors I find/see
Edit: Oh wow...I don't see much wrong other than the spam of almost unpronounceable words/names or words not from the english language.
Now, good job using "medieval" language to paint the story in a time period, unmodernized. Just be careful not to over use it because it can make your piece, hard, or even painful to try to read. Lastly you aren't making it clear who is saying what, just putting it in quotations which makes the reader simply guess. anyways good job on minimal errors, really impressive to me,
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Review by EddyD Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Just as everyone else I do reviews for, I'll start this with addressing the few errors you have.
". And feels even longer too." Avoid starting with the word "and" because it makes you open to making a fragment sentence like you've done.
"It's been almost 10 years since that day and I never forgot you or what you mean to me" using "nor" instead of "or" is a simple edit that can make the flow much smoother than what it is. Other than simple grammatical errors I see nothing else wrong with it.


Now what I liked. You did a swell job painting the lives, and past of the characters, as well as the actions of them throughout the story. If it werent 1am Id write you much more feedback but without sleep I can do very little.
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Review of The Color of Jade  Open in new Window.
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by EddyD Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hm okay I'll start by pointing out the very few errors I found

Since this is a first person story remember to use "asked me" instead of "asked" . during the end of the chapters they get a little choppy and you are doing unnecessary spacing. Honestly those are the only few errors I can find with this piece.

The things you did good now...

You did a good job showing the speakers feelings, as if you were that person telling the story. You give very descriptive scenes making this story, and your work in general a pleasure to read.
I would be interested if you could give cnc on the few chapters i have in my portfolio on little story I'm making as well.

Thanks
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