never have the words "what's in a name" rang so true as in this short essay. A whole essay to try and capture what's in the name and done rather successfully. A good description of "his" qualities, flowery language and good imagery.
perhaps we deserve to come to this day when you WILL find his name?
Interesting, intriguing, full of potential. Still, a nagging point. you start with two characters, the narrator and one "Angelo". then Angelo disappears to find a safe camp spot and someone else appears. to confuse matters more, this character is variously named "Uskae", "Donuskae" and "Don". is it Angelo? this point needs clarifying.
Otherwise, a good beginning with glimpses of what's to come. necromancers, devil dogs and exotic name places
.
can't wait for more.
Very abrupt ending to a story that could have been longer and less enigmatic and unless "index cards"means something specific which the reader is not privy to, also obscure.
We know the woman (i dare not call her a heroin) travels somewhere abroad, that she has long bangs and.....not much else.
Questions pop up at nearly every paragraph. Why does she carry index cards? What type of notes? Descriptions? feelings? why not take a picture? it's so easy nowadays.
A little bit of information about our non heroin would be helpful to understand her motives - and apparently her smooth practice - for "watching" people.
in short, a little work is needed. the idea of watching people is good because it offers you any type of target and situation. And, in my humble opinion, if the subject of the watching is just an attractive man and the motive for watching is aesthetic, then perhaps more detailed description to better reflect the characters.
Well, i hope i have not been too harsh, and as a fellow writer, i know it stings, but if it is important to be understood by all readers, then maybe a few enhencements will allow me to write a better review.
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