I grew up hearing the gospel but not believing it. I was always so bored going to church with my mother. My father is an alcoholic, and there was quite a bit of emotional and mental abuse when I was growing up. So I was jaded. I didn't think anyone could rescue me. I became severely depressed and even suicidal at the tender age of thirteen. I was that way for three years. Then one night, I decided to end it all, once and for all. My father had shattered my heart for the last time. I decided that when my mother left for work, and my little brother was in bed, I would consume an entire bottle (approximately sixty pills) of depakote, which is an anti-seizure drug. It was a Wednesday night, and we had church that night, so I decided to go and say my final goodbyes to my friends at church. But what I didn't know was the Holy Spirit was drawing me there. Usually during the service I daydreamed, fidgeted a little, read the hymnal, etc. But that night, I actually listened to what the pastor was saying, and my heart heard. He said, "No matter where you are in life, no matter what you're going through, be it anger, stress, depression, the list goes on, no matter what it is, Jesus is always right there beside you, holding out His hand, saying 'I'm still here.' " Something about that struck me and I began to weep. I had always felt so alone, so unloved, but here I was being told that I am loved, and that I am never alone! Suddenly, sitting there in that pew, I felt surrounded by a love like no other, so intense and warm and perfect, and I knew immediately that it was true. Jesus is real, He is the Son of God, who lived as a man on this earth and died for my sins on the cross, then rose again three days later and ascended into heaven. At that moment I accepted Jesus into my heart and my life, and I have never looked back. He has shown His work in my life many times, He has blessed me in many ways, He has given me strength to carry on through the bad times and has been there for me when I need Him. Always. I am devoted to my Lord. There is not a shred of doubt in my mind who He is, that He is real. |
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