great use of imagery, it helped to make an over played scenario seem new, the lovers triangle thing, just be careful not to use imagery words too much, for things tend to get confusing and become difficult read, I really like the contrast of the "firey" Autumn, and the frost bitten and cold relationships
Wow, that was awesome I only hope I can write my stories that well. I was totally glued to the screen and was shocked at how it ended. great job at the suspense. The only thing I noticed to fix, well 2 things, were in the section where they were carving the pumpkins, about the 13th group of sentences down, "We carved for hours while we sang..." you've got "sand" right nowand then the last sentence in that little group you need to get rid of a space "and lit the wicks" you've got an extra space between the " l" and the "it". Now I think I need to read something a little less chilling, or your story will find itself in my dreams.
Again maybe add a period after the first line because of the capitalization you use. For a shorter poem you do an excellant job at choosing words that really show your thoughts. The first verse reminds me of my everyday thoughts if I let myself think too much.
I really liked your poem, I've known someone with bipolar, I actually dated that person before he was diagnosed. Your poem helps me understand a little of his moods. Some people might tell you to use periods and commas in your poem, but I can really do that because I don't always use them in my poetry. But, you do capitalize and have full sentences so it may be a good idea to add the periods.
Wow, what a twist on Santa Claus, and honestly I don't think I've heard one like it yet. Awesome job at originality. I was a little shocked at the end that the character was only 12, the only hint was the guessing of which side the heart was on. I love that his name is John Sparkle, it made me chuckle. One thing, the 2nd paragraph after the chanting, the 2nd sentence " body parts that lay..." instead of "the".
Awesome story if you could make it long enough to make it a movie I personally think it'd be a best seller. The 2nd to last paragraph the last sentence didn't quite read right to me I would have put it " She lifted the stiffened fingers and crossed them lazily over her cheek." But that's me, the phrases "to her cheek" and "over her cheek" to me at least, repeat something we only need to know once, that the fingers are at her cheek.
I really loved your story it felt to me like a Twilight Zone episode especially how the beginning starts out. It brings chills because it is so relatable, at least to me it is. I have often seen strange images in the mirrors.
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