\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kawfeedave
Review Requests: OFF
8 Public Reviews Given
225 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by checkoff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hurrah! Comedy. I've been on this site for a week and not one bit of a laugh until yours. Praise the Lord! I am so sick of fantasy lands and oddly named heros and heroines. Every damned publisher talks about how they want to see things with some humor. You are going in the right direction. Do more. A comic Robin Hood. I know. Mel Brooks did it but what the heck. Pull a Tom Stoppard. Maybe Robin Hood and his not so merry men from the point of view of their long suffering wives and girlfriends. You go girl (or boy) You don't have a bio up so I don't know.
2
2
Review by checkoff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked it. Question. Was the initial hydrocephalus at seventeen related to the brain tumor at twenty. It is not at all clear to me.
It reads well but it needs to be tightened. There are a number of "little" words that could be eliminated. My own bugaboo is the word "had". Look at your third paragraph. The first two lines use the word "had" four times. It is noticable and shouldn't be. Consider "... it hit me that I almost died, and I'd never even lived. I'm the good little church girl my whole life and missed out on so much." But you can see it may be done other ways too. All in all it held me and that's always a good sign. Keep on with this. It is good.
3
3
Review by checkoff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Can't prove a negative. Can't prove that some form of first cause does not exist. On the other hand religions concentration on faith in the twentieth century is simply because the idea of proving the positive, God's existance, was impossible. So you have to take it on faith.

I am not really sure where you intend to go with this story. Is the phoenix a symbol of everlasting life. Is that why you have your editor have a meal there? If so the bird in the mural is fearsome looking. Why?
Are the names of the publisher (Red) and the girlfriend's eyes (green) symbolic?

This country is indeed hung up on God. Almost as much as the Islamic lands. Yes, in certain areas an agnostic piece or one espousing and atheist viewpoint might be railed against, but a Publisher who says to his editor that he will be fired if the circulation falls from an interview (and one that is going to be countered with an opposite opinion piece) would be met with a letter resignation fifteen minutes after that threat was voiced .
3 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kawfeedave