I absolutely agree with this piece. I never send reviews anonymously, only GPs or gifts, and that's rarely!
As a controversial writer I'm used to getting negative comments from Anonymous - but I hold your opinion that it is cowardly.
It saddens me because the Anonymous tool is brilliant for encouraging generosity. Thankfully it is the few and not the majority who see it as way of passing on hurtful comments.
This is so much more than I was expecting. I didn't imagine for a second that I would learn so much about your life, but I'm pleased I have. It seems that writing has been a constant retreat for you. I do just as you do, I write in times of pain. It's so natural a reaction when I'm hurt to grab a paper and pen that I wonder how non-writers actually cope! A wonderful "explanation" of why you write, with some fascinating details about you and your life.
This is a good piece - I used to ask the same questions but about height. As a tall person I'm constantly asked to fetch things from high shelfs, or have people making "harmless" comments. I'm comfortable with my height now, but I didn't use to be. If I'd turned to the person asking me about my height and said "you should lose some weight" or "wow you're ugly"... well, it wouldn't have been acceptable.
I take it the person described is you. I hope you find happiness within your own body, at the end of the day it's the only one you've got.
This is much stronger than the other piece because it feels sincere. I can feel that this piece came from your heart and the tone is one of worry, sadness, regret - much more powerful than one of anger.
"It hasn't really changed a bit." - What hasn't? Be more specific.
"before, now, nor" this bit isn't clear. Try something like 'those who didn't think of security before aren't doing so now and won't in the future', etc.
"irks" - this is American slang, although I know what it means some unfamiliar with US slang won't. There are a host of different words you could use here; annoys, bothers, upsets, frightens, etc.
"purportedly" - ?
Don't use big words where a smaller one will suffice.
"screw us" - you're trying to make a serious argument here so use the correct language. Screw us VS 'to close our eyes to the current situation', etc.
"at the point that" - at the point WHERE
Your first point - surely this has been the FBI's right all the time when they feel they have need to do so?
"don't we?" - You used MUST in this sentence so this should be 'mustn't we?" although it isn't necessary to have this in.
"that nut" - wouldn't your argument be strengthened by showing research him and naming the person, not just calling him?
The grandmother and Arab male - you are used terribly cliched stereotypes here. Are we to assume the grandmother offers to danger and suspect every Arab man? This point seriously lost your argument credibility.
Your claim that bombing or killing would have been easy to do needs evidence. What would you have done? How would you have achieved this? You can't make such a claim with no support for it.
"populace" - I don't know if this is a word, why not just use population so everyone recognises it?
"guesses, rumours and insinuations" - ironic because that is what your article focuses on.
"rhetoric," - rhetoric;
"That, my friends" - you need a comma after friends in both sentences.
The problem with this article is that it shows no sign of being researched. I would guess you wrote this while feeling angry at your country. I don't want to comment on whether your opinion is right or wrong, I'd reviewing this as a piece of writing, and you simply can't be taken seriously without proving the facts you quote. The wasted money - give me amounts, dates, what was it wasted on? The low security - evidence! Your advice about security - if, in your eyes, the top security people haven't got it right why should I believe you could? Convince me. At the moment you don't.
I was worried I would find this difficult to read because I'm not particularly knowledgeable on the Bible, but it wasn't so. To improve it I would add a note at the top explaining why you wrote it, which would provide more insight. As I read it I was imagining it being read out in church on Mother's Day, while other readers wouldn't be able to take that knowledge to their reading. A nice piece. Short, but you could have been working to a word length, and it might have been weakened if made longer.
Nice piece, I like how you use language, your description is very good. And I like the mention of the actions being childlike, as a very dedicated Aunty to a five year old girl I find enormous fun playing with her and thinking up new fun things. Sometimes we all need to do things like this, or we take the world too seriously.
No other possible rating for this piece - you use rhyme and feeling extremely well. Sorry this is so short, I think the 5 star says it all really - no mistakes I could see, no improvements I could think of.
I am assuming this was taken from the newspaper, and so you can't really make the change to it, but it would be nice to highlight the British support for the war as well. I'm English and back the troops 100%, as I think all should despite their opinions about war.
But I'm not letting this affect the rating because, as I said, I'm assuming it is something you have no power over.
This is a great way of showing people that they can support the troops publically. I too have seen so many protestors, and yet there are no marches for the supporters. I wonder how the troops feel if they see pictures of these people.
This is really good Tehuti. I am sure it has hoped several writers along the way; or at least shown some that writing is more complicated than they imagine. The time it takes and the effort are both huge, but the reward at the end is unbelievable.
Funnyface...
I was very touched by your e-card. I figured saying thank you wasn't enough, so I hope reviews will show my appreciation.
Well memories are what - I would remove the WELL
This is a beautiful poem. My only point would be to ask why it is in green... as a love poem I would have expected red or pink. But this is a tiny point and has no relation to the rating!
This is a very original article and definitely made me think, well done. I would imagine that for some people the actual using of their woprk wouldn't be as bad as the lack of acknowledgement to them. I know that would bug me!
Very unique story, I didn't expect the ending at all! Spelling and grammar perfect throughout, very enjoyable. I suppose even the name "Mr Bones" hints at the subject of death, I don't know if you planned that or not.
There are a lot of unanswered questions here - why is she writing this letter? Why will she be dead? Why is her message of individual personality so important to her? What happened to her to make her so determined to pass this message on to her son?
I think it's very difficult to even attempt to make a parody of such a huge hit as LOTR. I would never dare try it, so you get stars just for attempting!
But this is a good parody. I've seen a few around the site and there is a book published 'Bored of the Ring' - which I guess you have read.
I like how you have changed each name slightly, and even changed the Ring to a Wing! Very original touch.
It is difficult to rate such a short piece. An article really needs to persuade the reader that your opinions are valid - you need to extend on this, give support for you arguments, go in-depth.
It has the potential to be very good. I like the America Bless God, but it needs to be extended on.
Katie
x
Please review something of mine when you have time
I can understand why you wanted to write about this - 9/11 made so many people attempt to write, to get their felings down on paper. However, because it is now such a common writing theme, your poem has to be outstanding to make an impression on the reader.
It is a good poem. But it didn't have a huge effect on me.
I like that you have given this explanation of your personal rating system. Everyone has their own way of rating - but I like that you have made yours public.
Please review something of mine when you have time.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 11:12am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
