I liked your message and I agree. In a moment, the world can end as we know it. It is a thoughtful piece of writing and I hope to see more of it. I have one slight question on proper wording and that is in the line,
"And only ashes is what we leave." I'm wondering if it might be better to say, "And only ashes are what we leave."
The English language is strange but it's worth checking into.
Good job.
Karen
Hello. I read your story and I would like to give a review of what I have read. First of all, I think this story has good images that draws the reader in and I was able to see the house and the back yard and the dark forest. I imagined that there was something more sinister than laughing young girls in the darkness of the forest and it wasn't until later that I realized where the father's brothers might have disappeared to along with his wife. I thought the beginning showing how the father grabbed his daughter from going into the forest was very good and showed just how fearful he was.
What I think would be important in the story is to lead the reader along with the girls into the forest, how they were feeling disobeying the father as they snuck out the door as well as the distinct knowledge that they were now at the treeline and beyond there was something more they were about to step into. I think this would be important to the story to help the reader feel uncomfortable, wondering what it was that waited for them all. All in all, its flow was good. There were some parts that eased well into the next and some that might be good to refine a bit more but I liked it. Keep on writing! It's a very good thing.
Sincerely,
Karen
Very nice poem. I liked your message a lot, it was to the point, which I appreciate. The last few lines the rhythm changed but I still understood it well enough.
Keep up the good work.
Karen
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