This reminded me so much of my wife. This was an enjoyable experience to read. While reading this I was actually remembering the things my wife and I did. Now on to the constructive criticism. In the beginning when you ask those four questions: I feel that it is creating a sense of suspense that leads the reader to assume that there is bad news coming. Until the third to last line I was reading this expecting a plane crash moment where you tell the person and reader that it's over. Also regarding the fourth set as a whole the first line is a completely different verb tense than the rest of the set. I would say to either change the whole tense of the paragraph, just that line or put that line at the end of the third set. Take this review with a grain of salt I am no good at writing poetry nor have I ever claimed to be.
I'm not usually one for poetic verses, but I liked reading this. It gave me a warm feeling inside that not many things can. I would like to see it expanded or possibly made into a series of poems based on quotes by famous people. "The fire of hope may flicker,
but the flame will never die," these two lines struck a cord with me.
If I may be so bold as to say that this does seem like it was written in the style of a thirteen year old trying to be more grown up way. That being said the story has a lot of potential for greatness. I believe if you correct the grammar, rework some parts and extend the story out in parts that seemed a little rushed then this could be a really great story line.
P.S. the part about there being grenades/rocket launchers was a little over the top.
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