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Review of Her Father's Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by jhnnyag Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your story conveys the love bond between family members. It was easy to feel.
As is with writers, my thoughts went to what I would have done. As a result, I will use a cliche I have always disliked. There were moments when I felt you were telling me instead of showing me (example: "The last rays of the evening gave of a wonderful display on the water..." You told me. My instant thoughts; "The last fiery rays of the evening struck the waves, skipping across the sea in a dazzling display of color as they sought escape from the setting sun." or "The last fiery rays of the setting sun set the sea ablaze, sending out the days last color before the horizon swallowed them.")
This is a little overboard but you should get my meaning. Remember it's always easier to see on this side of the pencil. Most of us do this. The "show" is in our heads but the "tell" ends up on paper. You do have more show then tell which kept me reading and allowed me to feel the emotion.
It was a good story. John
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Review by jhnnyag Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This really wasn't a topic to catch me, but I was able to read it through with understanding. Your rhyming was sensible and didn't seem forced. You took it from a start to a finish in an ordered fashion. Personally, I liked the fact that I didn't have to get the dictionary out or try to figure out the symbolic meaning behind a word. Poems should be like yours, straight forward, no guessing as to the author's meaning.

Keep writing, John Grogan
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