This is brilliant and simple. It has almost a pyramidal way about it, starting with a simple statement "They live", building up to several complex emotions in lines 10-12, and then scaling down the other side of the pyramid by making several more simple statements, then finally revealing the identity of whom this poem is dedicated.
This is a gentle narrative that tells much more than the words do. Try making your dialogue explanations a bit simpler though (for example, "the old man in the wheelchair called out", "a young man sitting next to him replied", "she whispered with a gentle, but sad smile"). Instead of explaining parts of the story in these, try making them sentences by themselves. Just a preference of style I suppose.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jhanson698
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 12:50am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.