I like how you incorporated rhyming and still making it flow. Sometimes people will throw in a word in a poem just so it rhymes, even though it may not make sense with the rest of the poem.
Great story but the only problem with it is that you shouldn't have said there was a twist in the description, thats the whole point of a twist, to be unexpected.
Great twist, I wasn't expecting that. You did a good job of getting the whole story out in such a short amount of words. This review is almost as long as the story.
Great twist at the end, I had no idea that was the twist. I was expecting a twist but not that. All the descriptive words made me picture a woman, pink lips and swinging hips.
There were a lot of great descriptive words and really good similes, like the damp pants. But there were some grammatical errors with the quotes, but besides that it was a decent story.
Other than some grammatical errors, it was a decent story. You could have elaborated more on the nervousness she felt, and some more descriptive words.
There was great build to the climax even with such a small amount of room to write. The only problem is there could of been some more imagery, great story though.
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