So love/lust poems are very tricky to pull off. There have been so many poems written in this genre that it is very hard not to sound cliche. What I would suggest that you do in order to make this poem more fresh, unique to you, and interesting for the reader is to use more personal details about the speaker and his or her lover. As of right now the poem uses lot of lofty (mildly interesting language) that fails to give the reader any real since of what's going on in the poem beyond passionate sex. If you are of mind to edit this piece in your revision I would try using details that told me more about the lovers where they are, who they are etc.
However it's your poem so feel free to do whatever you like.
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