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2 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of M&M Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Taeris Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I read the description of this short story and immediately thought, “Aww! How sweet.”

This is a great little story, told from a very creative perspective. You’ve given the M&M a very believable voice that’s consistent through the piece, and it has a very friendly, feel-good tone.

Just one or two minor points that I’d change. I’d replace the “5” with “five”, but that might just be a personal thing. Also, the semi-colon in the first line “...of what comes; although I’ve...” should be a comma. And “The day that we would fulfil our destiny” would sound better as “The day when we would fulfil our destiny.” These are just minor, personal changes that I would make.

Overall, a very nice idea, and told in a very clever way. I’ll look forward to reading any more stories you create about the M&M society. Write on!

Dan
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Review of Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Taeris Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The concept of Time has always fascinated me, as I’m sure it has a lot of people. Your short story sums up a lot of my own views about Time, which is why I feel that I must write a review for it.

My favourite part of this piece is the end. It has a very feel-good quality to it, and made me smile. I like the idea that, although Time is out of our control, we can add something to it. An excellent use of the power of three as well.

I also like your use of contrast between the “sandpaper” and the “cool metal”, and the way you reflect the ambiguity of Time with “Time is now, this single moment, yet time is forever”.

There are just a couple of suggestions that I have. In my opinion, the ellipsis at the start of the second paragraph doesn’t fit. I might exchange it for a semi-colon. I’m also not certain about the use of “detain” in the final paragraph. It doesn’t seem the right verb to me. I’d change it to something like “change”, or “control”. But again, this is only my opinion, and they are very minor things that picky me noticed.

All in all, an excellent, thought-provoking short story. It’s a good length, and has a very readable tone.


Dan
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