My name is Leatis, and I'm not famous, a scholar, or even a published writer (though my ambitious side refuses to let this fact remain as a, well, fact). I did go to school for literature and I have spent a fair amount of time and money expanding what I know through education. However, that doesn't matter does it? I do write constantly and I like to share what I do know with others; what I've personally learned a long the way. So, here is what I can share with you that I believe constitutes 'creative criticism'. Please take it as you will, I don't mean to offend.
Firstly, the immediate, as its happening, first person narrative is extremely distracting and often hops back and forth between happening in the present and a story being told. I feel like I'm being talked at with my eyes closed rather then experiencing or being told a story. As well, its just plain impossible to understand what exactly is happening when its unfolding in, seemingly, real time. Unfortunately, I don't feel like that works at all. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just offering my own thoughts.
When things are not unfolding in real-time, the narrative seems very focused on exposition rather then having the story being told through the actions of the characters and the world around them. I do like the effort you've put into your ideas, how passionate you clearly were about writing this. However, the pacing needs a little work. The information you've provided could easily be applied across several chapters, rather then being a info dump. But, like I said, the passion is there.
I hope I didn't come off offensive! You certainly have a lot of potential and a lot of imagination, which is nice. I certainly hope to see you more on this site, expanding your writing as you go.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/itsdragonsdude
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:46pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
