Wow, just wow! This piece evoked some very strong emotions. The last line, "And baptized it in filth" really got me. Referring to the newborn as an "it" capitalized on the mother's emotions. Your symbolism is very strong, from the "x" to the "human hive" I found your work to be dripping with symbolic anger and frustration.
I love this piece as it is, but also see a lot of potential for expansion into a longer work. I question how society has let this mother and child down, how he came to be to begin with, etc.
I am glad that you requested a review, as that requires many reads, I thought it was strong the first time, but the more I read, the more I discovered hidden symbols. Excellent job.
Ah, finally, a place in this world for my 14 year old. In the past year she has sprained the same ankle three times, and had two concussions (within five weeks of each other), not to mention countless other shirts falling (which she happens to be in when they do). You, my friend, are not alone.
I loved the humor of this piece, it is well written, and helped me to find laughter in my otherwise dull day. I only have one suggestion, which is purely a visual thing. Early in your work the paragraphs are single spaced, later they are double spaced; I suggest double spacing all of the paragraphs.
Aside from that, I think this piece rocks, ew, I shouldn't say that to an "OUCHer" should I!?
Super work, keep at it ... the writing, not the injuries.
Nice piece! I enjoyed the fact that you brought the importance to "every Man" in the last stanza. This is well written, with beautiful imagery. I wish I could pick a favorite line, but they are each as important and beautiful as the next. I can't think of a single way to improve upon the natural beauty that you have encompassed. Great job!
I thought this was awesome and hilarious. Well written and worthy of 4.5. I felt it jumped around a bit, but I found that symbolic to what happens when you don't read directions. Reading directions is for those that don't like to live dangerously anyway.
Great job, I have no suggestions for improvement. I should thank you for almost making me spit coffee on my keyboard with laughter. But somewhere I once read that liquid and keyboards don't mix ... not that I read instructions or anything. :D
Write On!
Laura
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