Thanks a lot for the information. I am a Pakistani resident so can i also participate or is there a restriction of some sort?.
Also How do i send you the enteries?.
A very wonderful narration indeed!. You have picturized a patient suffering from alzhiemer's (dementia) so well that one could just picturize the whole scene very well!. I could see through all the confusion and distortion that woman must have gone thorugh and i could also understand her daughter's pain, as i myself am the daughter of a mentally ill mother; she suffers from schitzophrenia and there are times when she is ver yhappy to see me and then there are times when she is scared that i will take her somewhere which she might not like. Keep up the good work.
The above peom is so touchy and so close to te heart. When i grew up though i had my dad always besides me, i grew up realizing the fact that my mother was ill mentally and i never had the kind of relationshp with her which normally daughters have with their moms. I am a professional now, a wife to someone but still i miss the warmth of a mother. My fahter remarried but i guess i never got a mother. When i see my mother-in-law loving her children;my husband and his sister i feel.... i donno maybe left behind or lost...it is exactly this feeling which you depict in your poem which i feel when i see people chatting with their mothers, hugging them and getting hugged in turn. I guess somewhere something is lost in everyone's life and at the end we end up accepting the losses and moving on with heavy shoulders.
I am in no position to actually review you as you are such a good writer and i am just in the phase of learning to write but i just wanted to tell you that the above story was very touchy and at the same time it had a good ending. Stories which end up good are very encouraging and i think people should be told success stories. People need to realize that life has to go on which accepting all of its ups and downs.
A very interesting beginning indeed. You have described the character very beautifully. Just one suggestion, the word "Recognized" in the line "Although she was not recognised for her unusual yet unique beauty by others" should be replaced by known as what you are probably trying to say is that though she was very beautiful she wasen't known for her beauty. Recognize wouldn't be the right word here. Rest it seems to be a very beautiful work, hope to see the whole of it written soon, Till then keep writing cool stuff and tke care.
Very well written indeed!. The feel of the whole story was so beautiful that i could make up images of the two characters and i could see the pain in the eyesof the woman, i could see the lost search of love in her eyes!. Well just to add to it i think u need some grammer improvements for example the sentence:
He left her to dry out in the desert of his indifference .. where the only water , was her tears
should be "He left her to dry out in the desert of his indifference, where the only water was her tears"
and "But she‘s loving him still " should be "But she loves him still"
And too much ellipses which is "..." and exclamation marks should be avoided. Dont worry dear these were the mistakes i used to make the most too when i began writing but i guess writing.com has made me learn a lot.
Rest yiu write superb prose, keep it up and hope to see even good writings from you.
A very simple and intriguing story indeed. I could actually see through the story and could make up the images in my mind, your picturization is very strong and this is a very interesting writing about wars and how children and families are lost and how they suffer in finding their loved ones. keep writing cool stuff.
I just loved the above poem of yours and i really like how you describe a child's feeling towards all of the bloodshed and war which has become very common now. i like your observation and how you write it in a poetic form. keep writing good stuff.
Hahahahahaha really interesting, though its really short but it grasps one's attention quickly because of the suspence that what are we talking about......nice work, keep it up.
A very wondeful guide for amateur writers like me. I really appreciate the efforts you have put in compiling all the information in this guideline. English being my second language, this guide really helped me in correcting a few mistakes of mine. As a gratitude could you please check my stuff in my profile and give me suggestions about it?. i would be highly oblidged.
I am so glad to see some other Paki writer on WDC other then me!. i just the above poem and it is wonderful, somehow i liked its original version more!. . . keep writing cool stuff.
Another interesting story indeed!. till the end i thought that the narrator's mother was dead but the end was very different when i found out that she had left him!. Your writings show immense pain and depth which might depict your own losses and harshness in life. As i always believe it is always life and the experiences one has in life itself which turns a person into a writer!.
Though maybe at a few places maybe you needed some rephrasing for example;
"I wouldn’t always have Cook to make my favourite foods for Papa and I" should be "I wouldn't be here anymore to cook my favourite foods for Papa and me" or " I wont be cooking my favourite foods for Papa and me anymore"
Other then that i think you are a brilliant writer.
An interesting story indeed. the most interesting thing which took me was that at the end just when i thought that ok maybe everything was going to be alright and just when it seemed like a happy ending;it wasent!. a very interesting end indeed. i see many people who have actually gone through the same experience of being hurt by someone and in that hurt longing to be with the very person again who had hurt them, as they have no one else to turn to! Life can be so unfair in LIFE itself isn't it.
a very sad story indeed. I must say the words were so beautifully laid that the story turned into a beautiful sketch infront of me and i could probably see all of the charachers becoming real. One sugesstion that maybe you could clearly add what his mother had said so as it would be easy for the readers to apprehend , for example did his mother ask her " are you his girlfriend" or did she deliberately tell her that " he has a girlfriend".
Apart from this i must say it was a marvelous read and you must be a very talented writer.
A very interesting poem indeed, it touches the heart a lot and i could just see through to the depth it holds!. I think true love happens only once and it is only then when a person keeps on thinking abput the other even when he/she is not a part of their lives anymore.
So interesting...... i believe it is not just the fear of the teenage life only.....this fear comes in almost everyone's lives and i guess it is actually true that we get frighteneg of our friends being so much like us.
A very interesting read indeed!. the picture of sadness which the reader biulds up while reading this short story of yours is so real that i could actually see the characters and could actually imagine the whole scene and i think this owes to the beautiful picturesque which you have presented!.
a very interesting piece which seems so real.....many times in life we think and make plans about life but somehow it doesnt go our way!. i think it is more of a prose then a poem, n 2ndly maybe if u'd remove the caps it would touch the hearts more!.
I think this piece held so much depth and so much truth behind it that i myself had tears inmy eyes.... i love my father a lot too and even the thought of something happening to him makes me shiver so i can imagine what you must have gone through!. I myself am a doctor and i have worked in the cancer ward and i exactly know how painful the chemotherapy is and how much depressing the condition of the patient gets and how much the patient's family needs emotional support!. heads off to the hospice team, i wish they made something of this sort in my country too!.
a very interesting poem indeed, it is great as how you describe a whole character in a poem. and i guess great pieces just happen to have sad endings like this one of yours!.
I really liked the following verse:
She was tight she was loose a sexy chanteuse
A pillow talk, evening walk go with the flow
Keep writing cool stuff n hope to read some other stuff by you too.
This is in reference to your GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR: an essay--Award winner, i definitely agree to all of your arguements but Sir not the whole of Pakistan is a breeding ground for terrorists, it is a place like me and like many other people who want peace, it is a place where there are people who go for higher education and become professionals! i can understand sir that our countries have been enemies for the past but i think even you would relate to what i am saying that all of the local people of both the countries are the same, with the same problems in life, with the same stories!. Please sir do not consider all of the Pakistanis wrong i request you.
I read a few other poems of yours regarding the global war against terrorism and i just loved them!. i salute you to be bold enough to be writing all of this on this which seems to be a western medium; i myself being a Pakistani by origin could actually relate with whatever you wrote!. there's just one thing which i would like to commend Sir, Islam is a religion of peace and not the so called jehad or terrorism which the so called Fundamentals use today, please do not consider Islam wrong but consider those people wrong and i will be very thankful to you sir!. I would like you to please go through something which i have also written,which also deals with terrorism " the child who dies everyday in sawat", please do review it.
With Regards;
Dr Iffat
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