From what I've read of this particular chapter, you have a general idea for a story. I liked what I read but I noticed there was some grammar issues alongside some formatting troubles.
I need to see the first two chapters to give you a proper review but I have a feeling you only uploaded this one.
I gathered from the item that your main character is a girl named Chloe. I got a sense that Chloe feels outshined by this girl, Abs, who was trying to convince her to ask someone out. The fact that you introduced two very different girls in the item shows that you are able to clearly differentiate two characters with different personalities.
If I could give you some advice, I suggest expanding further on the chapter. Tell us where Chloe and Abs are. Describe the colour of the sky and if they are in a crowded area or not. Tell us what they look like. Tell us what Chloe is holding in her handbag - or maybe she's not got one! Descriptive writing is just as important as speech between our characters.
Good luck - looking forward to seeing more from you as I see some real potential in this story.
Okay Keaton, firstly I'd just like to say that I love the concept of your poem. More importantly, I love the layout of it. Not only was it well-written, but the poem's concept has been clearly well thought, has been set out in a clean manner. The clear tone shows that you obviously knew what exactly you were writing about.
Hi, I really liked this poem. Love poems are one of my personal favourite genres of poetry so I enjoyed reading it. There was some real emotion in this; your word choices were excellent as well.
I hope you continue to explore writing in this particular genre as you are quite good at it. Keep up the good work!
I'm not exactly sure what this is? Is it fiction? Non-fiction? Either way, I liked it. Your writing showed real emotion, and it was simple to read. The way you expressed your emotions in the text was quite cool. I'm a little confused as to why you shared it if it is such a personal thing for you - but I'm grateful that you did.
This was a nice read. Dina seems to be a very imaginative and creative little girl, the story itself was nice. I like how there was a small bit of char development (with the teenage sister being ignorant in the beginning, then playful in the end). Overall, a good read. Good luck with your story!
Gruesome, tantalising, intriguing, dark, haunting... those are just a few words I would use to explain your draft. Even if it is just a draft, it's a very good one at that. You have made it quite clear who the narrator is, giving them a pseudonym (simply "Ghost")and also giving the character a hint of a backstory. The setting is clear too. Good job - I would love to read more, if you have any.
Hey Peter Simmonds, thanks for publishing this article onto writing.com - it was certainly a good read. The article itself did raise a few good points. The main point of the article was clear - you were discussing books that were turned into movies.
Format wise, I think you should add some breakpoints, making the article easier to read (and more appealing). It honestly does look clustered.
Hello friendlywriter, I'm randomly reviewing your item today, as suggested by writing.com.
I'd just like to begin with telling you that I think your writing is really great. The story behind this little item is great - go LGBT weddings. This was written wonderfully, with plenty of descriptive writing in the mix.
I'd like to offer some constructive feedback, this feedback involves the structure of your item. I'm unsure if you previewed the item before publishing it, but if you didn't, then I recommend you do that in the future, as the structure of your item became scrambled when I assume, you copied and pasted it from wherever you wrote it on, originally.
You presented your poem in a fantastic way, giving the reader a great chance to really imagine the waterfall. Excellent choice of words as well.
I would love to read more of your nature poems, if you have any, that is. I have a feeling that the imagery in them will be just as good as the imagery in this poem.
You clearly had a deep understanding of what you wanted to put down in your prose. Wonderful word choice, excellent writing style.
I have no feedback for you, but I can only urge you to continue work on this, even if you've long forgotten about it. I can see this being published as a philosophical essay or article.
Quite a lot of speech involved in this item, which is always good to see. But, I would've loved to have seen some description in it. Set the scene. Tell us more about your viewpoint character, Amy. Describe Jackson. Describe Cindy. Describe your boss. Allow us into the building where your item is set, and explain the scene to us, in great detail.
There is a sense of something in the item, as if you know where it's going, which is always a good sign. Keep writing and good luck!
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