After reading only a few entries of yours (so far!)
I've found I love that there always seems to be a twist, that I can never guess, within your last few lines
Your precise, yet somehow (?!) abstract way with words left me thinking you were still talking about a dog until the last stanza in this piece. I normally have people guessing my outcome within the first few lines, but your sense for suspense is fantastic :)
A great read!!
xx
Strange but clever, especially in the witty final two lines :) (a great end may I just add!!)
I like each of the stanzas for each separate person, but my only suggestion would be to change the final 'fruitcakes?' for another word, considering you used it in the verse before to stray away from repetition and add to the final effect
It reminds me of: 'Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.'
A charming anecdote with good varied use of language and comedic timing :)
Only criticism is it seems slightly repetitive in places, but maybe that's what gives it the edge?
xx
The rhythm throughout is great including the change in tempo during the stanza about family and I like the idea about coming fourth in the world even if I only agree with one of the things you put above yourself (family) :P
I like the way in which it's written however and well done, I wouldn't have guessed it was rushed if it weren't for the footnote at the bottom :)
Do you mind reviewing some of my own pieces when you have time?
xx
It's truly brilliant,
Perhaps not how I would sum up my own mind... but the detail and description is wonderful
and I love the way it's written.
I'm not sure about the third stanza down '...vehicle of travel...'
But the final section is definitely a favourite
:)
I really liked your poem over all,
I did find the quick change in the middle a bit too quick though, for me personally
other than that the opening was really good and similar to something I've written myself but have yet to publish (weird?!)
I would like to read some more of your pieces if you've published them :)
Hopefully, you can read some of mine too?
xx
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