Truly emotional about this story. How brilliantly you captured the emotional pain of this character in such a short piece. It's truly remarkable. It's also a clean piece, and I find no technical errors. You accomplished what I presume to have been your goal concisely and clearly.
I really love this story. It balances the dark side of human nature with a gentle heart. Ambiguity of the narrator's intention serves it well. Society is incredulous, and therefore we wonder whether he meant to kill Brucie or not. We read the story by assuming what he says is only half of the story. What we would like to do is the other half. Thank you for posting this.
I enjoyed this story immensely. The visual of an old man on the verge of an exciting adventure is comical and well thought through.
One edit- you do not need to continually reiterate the fact that the rabbi is elderly. If you do, use some other synonyms.
And I have to say, well done opening up with so much intrigue. I immediately had to consider if perhaps the rabbi is "seeking all life has to offer" because his life of faith had proved a disappointment.
This is a very imaginative tale depicting the trials of completing a story. A unique voice you have used to express the demise of writer's black. I really enjoyed this story because I can easily relate to it. Your sentence in the opening paragraph which begins "for even though he was successful in starting them..." confused me a little bit. Perhaps it's just me, but you may decide to revise it.
The moment of the writer choosing to violently free herself from the oppression of her muse is very thoughtful. As the reader, I want to know more in this moment. It's hard to convey violent themes clearly, but in this case, more detail would be great!
Overall, I enjoyed your story. I want some elaboration, but that primarily means your story caught my attention and made me want more juice. So, it's a good thin as far as I'm concerned. In fact, remaining vague about the muse's death, the details of the story that doomed the muse and the contest may prove to be even more mysterious and enticing than more explicit content.
I think your comparison of celebrity to a shoul stealing zombie essence is very clever. You did an excellent job constructing the metaphor and imagery. If you expanded on this, I believe it would continue to evolve, perhaps into a well developed commentary or essay.
This piece is emotional and intense. I hope to read the rest of it someday, as the sample is very interesting. Because the sample is short, I am not sure of what tangible advice I can give you for the story. I will say that the desperation of the speaker comes across clearly. Considering the length of the sample, it is impressive that you were able to convey this in a short piece.
So vivid! I really enjoy your style. I'm NOT a gifted poet, but I appreciate the emotions that your flow conjures. I am uncomfortable and pensive at the thought of "humanity's futile attempt." Wishing that our natures weren't to always gorge ourselves in excess. This is definately a piece that hangs around in your head to think about. Thank you!
What an insight into the human spectrum of emotion. I was struck by how quickly te tone changed and I feel that it reflects the shock of a sudden death in a way and makes the reader feel just as stunned as the character. I would like to know exactly why his sister is so concerned and hysterical.
I'm sure you know that you have crafted a really beautiful story. At least I hope you do . Splendid job getting your vision through with so few words. It doesn't seem to be lacking anything! Bravo!
I was destined to like this story. I have always felt that the names that writers choose for their characters are critically important. I think you hit the character spot on with his name.
Also, I'm intrigued by odd professions. Even though taxidermy is a highly specialized, old skill, it is still rather creepy to most people. A fact you played on brilliantly with the implication of Calvin's questioning his possible association with the serial killer.
What a deeply insightful presentation of the modern woman's dilemma. Your sensitivity to an issue that is very difficult for so many women is to be praised. Also, your dedication to presenting it while also preserving the realistic confines of society is impressive.
I was a little unclear at exactly what Indigo Partners does. I'm not sure how relevent this information is, but the career does tell something about the character. In example, if Indigo Partners invests in typical stocks etc., as opposed to real estate investment or business. Consider (thought don't feel obligated) expanding this point.
I would also like to know a bit more about her relationship with Bill, and why it is acceptable or appropriate for him to give her such personal advice. It is strange (though not far-fetched and unexplainable) that she carries such an open exchange with him, but is so short and uncomfortable with her lover.
Finally, if you are like me, you try to explain an important point with your writing. I feel that you have done that here. Bill's advice to not "justify anything, even the wrong thing, for anything less than the right reasons" was insightful and presented in such a relevent way.
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