GroovyStella's (groovystella) Reviews

GroovyStella

Review Requests: OFF

219 Public Reviews Given

221 Total Reviews Given

1

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14 days may be credited.

#3971179

Review of the woods- a short story

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (2.0)

Hi there, alexangarita123

} I am GroovyStella and it is my honor to be reviewing "the woods- a short story"

for the PDG Rockin' Review Academy.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

I am not a professional and these are just my humble opinions. I hope you take them as I have intended. It is not my goal to criticize or hinder you in anyway, but to grow and learn with you. So without further adieu....here goes.

Setting: I like the fact that this story is a mystical kind of forest. It would be a great mystery as well.

(suggest) there's not enough description of the surroundings. As the reader the only thing I can see in my mind is Phillip. The waterfall could have been described a little more...ie: talk about the steam from the water if it was hot. Talk about the foliage and or rocks that were around the base.

Plot: Three young adults are in the forest where strange things are happening. It peeked my attention quickly.

Character: I think a little more time on the characters would have made a difference in this story. All we know about them is their ages.

(suggest) telling the reader who these young people are and what they are doing in the forest. How do they know each other?

Grammar:Now the hardest part: The story has no form. There's little punctuation or capitalization. The parenthesis are put around the dialogue but the dialogue is in the wrong place. Words are misspelled and with the lack of punctuation alone makes it very difficult to read.

Climax: The climax drew me in pretty quick but fell by the wayside just as quickly. I think it should have been written with a slower pace.

{suggest) tell the reader how the characters felt while running. Were they breathless from running so hard and fast? Tell us about the fear in the characters when they saw Phillip and thought he was an animal.

Overall:Overall I really liked this story and it's primus. I think it has potential with a lot of work. Not so bad for your first time. If you take my advice and tweak it I would be happy to review it again and give a higher rate.

Thank you for sharing your work with me. I would be honored to read/review more. Feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and give me a few suggestions. Good luck and God bless!!

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2

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#3951047

Review of Changing Fate

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi there Jayden

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Changing Fate

(13+)
Maddison, the young mage, tries to change fate.
#1975083 by Jayden

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I have only recently began reading fantasy or mythology. I have to say I don't know enough about it to go into much detail so I will comment just on the craft of writing for this piece.

My Favorite Part:"Where?" she queried, arching one eyebrow, a confused expression clouding her beautiful, delicate features.

I thought this was simple yet well done.

Suggestions:The suggestion that I would make for this story is divide up the dialogue. You have the daughter and her father speaking back and forth between each other in the same paragraph.

IE: "Where?" she queried, arching one eyebrow, a confused expression clouding her beautiful, delicate features. "to the temple" answered a voice deep within her mind. "Yuri and Vershkova are waiting for you." Maddison gasped at her fathers telepathic words

Should be: "Where?" she queried, arching one eyebrow, a confused expression clouding her beautiful, delicate features.

"To the temple," answered a voice deep within her mind. "Yuri and Vershkova are waiting for you." Maddison gasped at her fathers telepathic words.

Overall: There is lots of work that would bring this story up to be a great piece of writing. I think with a little polishing adding some punctuation and sentence structure and it'll read quite nicely. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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3

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#3949440

Review of Dear Me

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HI there Anistasya

it has been my privilege to read "Dear Me"

.

I really enjoyed listening to you talk to yourself hah. This was well written, well thought out, and has a lot of heart in it. I can feel the emotion of every step you took to be where you are.

If I were to make any changes in your letter it would be....He supports while you throw yourself at a mad, barely attainable dream.... I would add you between supports while....That is a mere preference for me.

I look forward to reading more from you.

4

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#3948883

Review of Annie

Review by GroovyStella

Rated: E

| (1.0)

Hi there, carlton607

I am GroovyStella and it is my honor to be reviewing "Annie"

for the PDG Rockin' Review Academy.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

I am not a professional and these are just my humble opinions. I hope you take them as I have intended. It is not my goal to criticize or hinder you in anyway, but to grow and learn with you. So without further adieu....here goes.

Impression:This is a story about a woman and her dog. She is plagued by something that makes her look different and has her in a lot of pain. Her dog, Buster seems to be her only companion.
I was hooked with the first few sentences and my interest was consistent throughout. I was a little let down because I never figured out what was wrong with Annie. What her ailment was. The story kept saying 'the night it happened' but never ventured out about telling me.

My Favorite Part:My favorite part, hands down, is the first paragraph....

It was a stormy and dark night and Annie screamed out loud. "Why?" screamed Annie? She was popular and she liked to knit socks in her spare time. Annie worried and was alone in her house.

This is funny stuff. She was popular and liked to knit socks in her spare time.

Suggestions:Besides the plot being less than a backbone for this story the spelling and punctuation could use a little help. If you don't mind I would like to give you a few examples......

paragraph 1...

It was a stormy and dark night and Annie screamed out loud. "Why?" screamed Annie? (suggestion) stopping after "Why?".....screamed Annie is redundant and has a question mark instead of a period...

paragraph 2

Annie was frail. But she screamed out loud in that dark and storm. (suggestion) the second line has already been established. I would suggest deleting it all together. I would also suggest working in the fact that Annie is frail with another part of the story or let it stand alone.

into her sole in a way that (suggestion) soul instead of sole

deeply gnawed at her and sobbed wailingly...(suggestion)sob and wail mean the same thing...I would eliminate one of these words

long ago when it had happened.(suggestion) happened and had both mean past tense. I would eliminate had...ie: long ago when I happened.

paragraph 3.

up in bed in a panic state and worried..(suggestion) the reader already knows that she is all worked up so I would recommend a full stop after panic.

Her breathes came in deep gasps (suggestion) breath instead of breathes... breath is something she has. breathe is something she does

Annie tried to comfort her dog but she was too weaked to do that.(suggestion) weak instead of weaked...also 'to do that' is redundant..I would recommend deleting it.

looked at her with soleful drole eyes (suggestion) soulful droll instead of soleful drole

paragraph 4

Annie pulled the blankets over her face in a quick and scared way (suggestion) reader already knows that Annie is scared so I would re-word this sentence..ie: Annie pulled the blanket over her face quickly.

paragraph 5

but her hands didn't move. (suggestion) her hands wouldn't move or couldn't move

paragraph 8

Her face froze in the heat under her covers and she sweat, (suggestion) froze in the heat. is that a metaphor or is it intended to be a true statement?
I will for the sake of this lesson say it is intended as a true statement. I would recommend rewording this sentence...ie: Her face had been sweating under her covers.

and she sweat, but she remained (suggestion) this is one long sentence. I would suggest making a new sentence with But she remained

paragraph 11

Buster barked loudly at seeing her resurrection and he was happy because of his tail wagged (suggestion) I recommend doing a minor reconstruction of this sentence. ie Buster barked loudly at seeing her resurrection. Annie could tell by his wagging tail that he was happy......a dog isn't happy because his tail is wagging. He is wagging his tail because he is happy

Overall: Overall I find this story, with a little work, can become a great story. I think it is unique and entertaining. If you should rewrite this story I would love to review it again and rerate it. I also would love to review more of your work.

Thank you for sharing your work with me. I would be honored to read/review more of your work and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and give me a few suggestions. Good luck and God bless!!

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5

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14 days may be credited.

#3944535

Review of A Footstep in the Snow

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi there, GastlyInspector

I am GroovyStella and it is my honor to be reviewing "A Footstep in the Snow"

for the PDG Rockin' Review Academy.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

I am not a professional and these are just my humble opinions. I hope you take them as I have intended. It is not my goal to criticize or hinder you in anyway, but to grow and learn with you. So without further adieu....here goes.

Impression:This is a nice story written on a prompt about struggling to get ready in the morning. The pace was constant. I was hooked in the first paragraph and my interest was held throughout. I read the story twice and if I read it correctly it ends with the illusion that the 'safety and counsel' was a dream....

Suggestions:I do have a few suggestions that I think will make your story read a little smoother and if you don't mind I would like to point them out to you. Here we go...

There's many places where the first letter of the sentence is not capitalized. I would do a quick read over of the story and correct those.

Several long sentences could be turned into two as they read like run on sentences. I have pointed out a few below

suddenly but not surprisingly the small red alarm clock goes off interrupting my lovely thoughts of safety and the council, so as every day I swing my feet out from under my covers and onto the cold floors which seemed to be made of ice. (suggest) coming to a full stop after council. This reads like a run on sentence.

a loud thunk apoun the wooden floor (suggest) 'upoun' should be 'upon'

then as if climbing a huge mountain of bubblegum with a toothbrush I remember my name, and age, and what I usually to do next in the morning, so slowly like a silly snail I inch my way to my dresser and pull open the- my hand stop in mid air above the dressers handle as something crawls into me, something strange, and hard to recognize at first like the last thing in a spot the difference picture, but eventually I get it, "I like My Pajamas! I don't want to change in to my stupid day time clothes!" .(suggest) this is one long sentence. I would suggest breaking it into at least two. It contains several commas.

4th paragraph...down stairs in his low voice fatherly voice "Breakfast!", (suggest) changing a few words in this sentence around. You have written 'voice' twice and close together. Try using it just once..ie: down stairs in his low, fatherly voice.

Overall:Overall I find this a nice story. I know sometimes when given a prompt we do the best we can with what we have. If you decide to rewrite this story I would be happy to re-read it and re-rate it for you.

Thank you for sharing your work with me. I would be honored to read/review more of your work. Feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions. Good luck and God bless!!

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14 days may be credited.

#3942813

Review of Collections of stories

for entry "On Lake Wiliston"

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there parable

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Collections of stories

(E)
Stories for the rays story a week
#1955427 by parable

for the WDC Angel Army.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:A lovely story about the past and how people pull together after a tragedy.

My Favorite Part: It was illegal to gamble back then here in Indiana, but, that didn't stop Blackstone. He helped the Governor get elected, and in return the Governor made certain the Summit would never get raided.

This is my favorite part because it shows that times doesn't change things even when time changes

Suggestions:I do have a few suggestions that I think will make the story read a little smoother. I would like to point them out if you don't mind.

You should have seen the limosines that rolled up to the front doors...(suggest) limousine

they brought even more guests." (suggest) capping 'they'

There were alot of people working (suggest) a lot (two words)

seventeenth of 1934, a sunday. (suggest) capping Sunday

were in the newspapers and newreels across (suggest) newsreels

hotel on Chicagos' South side." (suggest) Chicago's

Overall: Overall I find this a very nice story. It is easy to read and just a pleasure. I enjoyed it immensely. I would be honored to review your other work.

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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7

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14 days may be credited.

#3942750

Review of Princess of Hades - Chapter one

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.0)

Hi there eyeQ

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Princess of Hades - Chapter one

(E)
It is the first chapter of a full story
#1971485 by eyeQ

for the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:This is a story about a boy who has a troubling dream. It was an interesting story that held my attention throughout. However it needs lots of work. I think it has potential but it does need a complete overhaul.

Suggestions:I realize when you read my suggestions it seems that I have picked your story to death. That is not my intention at all. I like the story, otherwise I would have passed on the review. I think with work you'll have a very good story.

It was a cloudy night and was raining. Everywhere seemed very dark. (suggest) rewording the first sentence and eliminating the second sentence. If it is a rainy night then by nature it's dark and cloudy. You mention a few sentences later 'dark clouds and shadows' so the description isn't needed twice. I would simplify it by saying....It was a rainy night.

along the road near the civil hospital (suggest) if civil hospital is the name of the hospital, I would capitalize it.

a feeling if as I was lost among the dark clouds and shadows (suggest) switching 'if as' around

Only then when I began to hear some voices and as it (suggest) rewording this sentence because it is a little wordy..ie: Only then I began to hear some voices.....or.......It was then that I began to hear some voices.

That wasn't a frightening voice but the thing which I scared of was running of some strange people towards me. (suggest) rewording this sentence. I think if you re-read this one you will notice that some words are missing and is probably a run on sentence that should be divided...ie: That wasn't a frightening voice. It was the thing which I feared and it was running strange people towards me........I would eliminate 'some' in some people. Some means multiple. People means multiple so it's redundant.

I stopped and then had a curiously look at them, (suggest) changing 'curiously' to 'curious'

I stopped and then had a curiously look at them, there were five of them, when they came closer I found out that there is a girl and four men. (suggest) dividing this sentence. ie: I stopped and took a curious look at them. There were five people and as they came closer I counted one girl and four men.

I went closer to check out if she was dead or not, no she wasn't. (suggest) rewording this sentence. ie: I went closer to check for a pulse and found she was breathing....or....I went closer to see if she was alive and noticed she was breathing.

Those men whoever they were had beaten her with something I don't know and she was bleeding. (suggest) rewording this sentence. You have already mentioned that she is heavily wounded and now that she has been beaten so you don't need to tell the reader that she is bleeding. ie: Those men, whoever they were, had beaten her with something but I didn't see a weapon.

As I wanted to find out who they were, there were nobody present, maybe they escaped or just kind of vanished. (suggest) rewording this sentence... I wanted to find out who they were but it seemed they had vanished.

I said to the doctor as I if was very worried, he replied "Don't worry boy" and smiled. (suggest) Delete 'if' ...This is two sentences. The doctor can't reply in the same sentence....ie: I said to the doctor as I was very worried. He replied "Don't worry boy."

When they were at the operation, questions such as "Who is she? Where did she come from? Why she was being chased by some unknown men?" were being asked. (suggest) rewording this sentence because it is missing words and punctuation. ie: While they had her in the operating room, questions were being asked of me, such as: "Who is she? Where did she come from? Why was she being chased by unknown men?

The clock of hospital was showing 11:50 pm and it was late night when the door opened and doctors came out. (suggest) rewording this line because it is missing some words and also has a few extra....ie: The clock read 11:50 pm when the door opened and the doctors came out......the reader already knows you're at the hospital and it is late at night so you can delete those things.

When I entered, a beautiful young girl with brown hair and golden-yellow dress was lying down with her eyes open (suggest) if the young girl was just operated on, she would be wearing a hospital gown instead of a gold yellow dress.

"So Mister..." "Daniel, its Daniel sir" I said to the doctor. "Okay Daniel, do you know her?" I hesitated for a second then she said "Yes doctor, we are friends" "So how did you find her?" I was going to explain when she interfered "I was gonna meet him there, while crossing the street something hit me and I found myself here." "Are you sure?" said the doctor looking to her, her eyes turned to me and I said "Yes doctor." as if I wasn't gonna say that. Then he went and I looked at her, her beautiful hazel eyes were blinking when I said "Who are you? I don't know you and why did you lie to him? "You said a yes to him, it means you know me and I didn't lie" she said while she was smiling at me. "No, I don't. I wasn't gonna say that, it was just..." "What?" "I don't know, it wasn't my choice to act like that." I was afraid of something that moment, then for a minute we both were quiet when I asked again "Are you going to tell me who you are? And for what reason were those men chasing you?" She slowly came down and stood up looking at me and spoke kind of spooky "You don't get it do you?" and came towards me, "I am a memory of your past, a shadow of your present and a part of your future" she whispered. (suggest) this whole conversation needs to be reworded. It needs separated by who's speaking. It is missing capitalization and punctuation. It's hard to tell who is saying what. Each sentence needs it's own line to separate the dialogue.

when I saw the mirror in my right. (suggest) replacing 'in' with 'on'

when I tried to stare everywhere of the room. (suggest) replace 'of' with 'in'

Overall: Overall, as I said before, I think this has the potential to be a good read. It just needs a lot of work. And, if you choose to rework the story I would be glad to give it another read and re-rate it. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

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14 days may be credited.

#3941301

Review of Finding Luna

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi there chloemaner

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Finding Luna

(E)
One night in Los Angeles,a 13 year old girl Amanda finds a dog that will soon be hers.
#1970903 by chloemaner

for the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I really like this story. It is heart warming. So few people do the right thing when it comes to an animal.

Suggestions:I do have some suggestions that I think will make the story read a little better and if you don't mind I would like to point them out.

The story is just one long paragraph. I would suggest breaking it apart.

I noticed you missed many capitalizations and punctuation. I would suggest reading over it and edit it to fix those issues.

I stepped out of the SUV with precaution and turned (suggest) changing precaution to caution

I mean it's not like we have to give you up or and that someone would claim you. (suggest) rewording this line. It has misplaced words. For example..... I mean it's not like we have to give you up or anyone is going to claim you.

I though long and hard. "Luna!" (suggest) replacing though with thought

, but you thirteen years old (suggest) replacing 'you' with 'you're'

happened to Daisy, and plus you know about my (suggest) using 'and' or 'plus' but not both. They practically mean the same thing so using both is redundant.

Overall: Overall I think the story is very good. If you decide to edit it, I would love to take another look. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

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14 days may be credited.

#3938723

Review of Run Away

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there its_just_me

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Run Away

(E)
This is in no way true, I just thought it made a good story :)
#1969437 by its_just_me

for the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I found this very touching. It is a subject more people should try to get out there.

My Favorite Part:“Where is she?” I frantically looked around the room. Under beds, in the closet, under the desk. But, there was no sign of her.

This is very believable. Good describing

Suggestions:I did notice several errors in grammar and if you don't mind I would like to point them out.

Paragraph 23…I hadn’t eaten since yesterday night (suggest) last night

Paragraph 28…We thanked Jim, and promised we would come to (suggest) promised that he would come to

Paragraph 29…I was always afraid that would parents would find us (suggest) that our parents would find us

I did notice a tense problem. For example in paragraph 5 you said ”extra blankets we had stashed here” Then in paragraph 6 you said “I stayed there for most of the day,”………Here is a present word while there is a past word.

“We will take money out of your parents bank account to help pay for her hospital bill. When she is aloud out of the hospital, she will come to live with you guys and your relatives. Until then, the doctor’s will take care of her. Do you girls have anywhere to stay tonight? I don’t want you going back to that house.”

aloud (suggest) allowed
parents (suggest) parents'

This paragraph has a lot of information in it. Most of it isn't very believable.

"We will take money out of your parents bank account
I don't know of any police officer that can take money from someone's account to pay a bill.

When she is aloud out of the hospital, she will come to live with you guys and your relatives
An officer doesn't have the authority to make this call

Later the cop offers them a room.
Not sure he's allowed to do that.

You did a lot of telling but not much showing. When Misty goes to see Layla in the hospital, you did a fair job of describing her injuries. However, none of the beatings were explained. You just told me they happened. Show us how the girls were beaten by example. Show us what the girls look like.

I hope that makes sense.

Overall: Overall a good story. Just needs a good polishing up. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

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14 days may be credited.

#3938398

Review of Someone Who Empowers Others

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there Prosperous Pen

! It is an honor to be reviewing

STATIC

Someone Who Empowers Others

(E)
This article is about how teacher's/educator's empower others by showing us.
#1969490 by Prosperous Pen

for the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:This is very informative. I wanted to be a teacher growing up but now I know I don't have what it takes. Patience is not my virtue.

My Favorite Part:The most critical work on the planet is an instructor's work. Educators are an extraordinary impact in our lives. They see our qualities, shortcomings and additionally our capability to take in.

This is really true.

Suggestions:I do have a couple suggestions if you don't mind.

1st paragraph…. They see our qualities, shortcomings and additionally our capability to take in. (suggest) using a comma after additionally. It sounds like a natural pause.

2nd paragraph…. The Educator’s obligation is to instruct the student and if the learner is not fathoming or getting a comprehension of what they are constantly taught. (suggest) rewording or connecting with the next sentence. The words “and if” after student makes this an incomplete sentence. If you read this line, you’ll see that “and if” is never fulfilled until the next sentence.

Overall: Overall I find this is well written. No major errors in grammar or punctuation. Job well done I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3938279

Review of The Garden

Review by GroovyStella

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is just beautiful. I normally don't like poetry that doesn't rhyme but I rather enjoyed this. I hate to find joy in something that sounds so painful.

Thanks for sharing your work and God Bless!

12

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14 days may be credited.

#3938201

Review of Chapter 1

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi there puppycork

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Chapter 1

(18+)
Malcolm's pride.
#1961897 by puppycork

for the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I usually don't get into anything politics but I rather enjoyed this piece. I was hooked on the first few lines and it held my attention throughout.

My Favorite Part:Malcolm knew she was a lesbian, but he didn’t know what a lesbian did.

I think this is exactly what a child would think. That a lesbian does something instead of someone who is something.

Suggestions:I do have a few suggestions that might make it read a little smoother and I would like to point them out if you don't mind:

“Mummy, look, Daddies got a blue flower, (suggest) Daddy’s instead of Daddies. Daddies is plural whereas Daddy’s is a contraction for Daddy has.

slapped him his as his father lent in close and kissed his cheek. (suggest) eliminating the first his.

He stopped and held Malcolm's close. (suggest) Malcom instead of Malcom’s

I noticed you used a lot ; I would suggest eliminating as many as possible. Coming to a full stop or using a comma would make the story read a lot better unless what follows the ; explains what precedes it.

I would suggest using commas before quotation marks if “he said” or “she said” follows.

Also, you missed several periods at the end of the sentences. I understand this is a first draft so many of these things you’ll probably catch when you give it a once over.

Overall:Overall I find this well written. It flowed well and the speed was nice. Job well done. I would be honored to review your other work.

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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#3938084

Review of The Split Fare

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi there Fairport

! It is an honor to be reviewing

STATIC

The Split Fare

(13+)
An unexpected encounter delivers profound horror
#1969341 by Fairport

for the WDC Angel Army.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:All I can say is WOW! What a story. This is fantastic. I was captivated by the first few lines and stayed that way throughout. I read, with anticipation, every word until the very end.

Suggestions:I would like to make some suggestions, it that's okay, to make the story read a little better.

The bellows stirred dread into my soul. Initially, they seem normal enough…..(suggest) replacing seem with seemed….to keep with the past tense of the story…

I had all I could do to hold the woman. (suggest) replacing I had with It was….It was all I could do to hold the woman.

Yes, even my own soul faced what seemed to be eternal condemned at the mere sighting of the beast. (suggest) replacing condemned with condemnation.

Favorite Part: Within the clasps of the bloody fists resided the crimson heart of the now deceased mother.

No, my cry was to the one and only God.

Overall: Overall I find this is well written and interesting. It flowed well at a nice pace. I would be honored to review your other work.

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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14 days may be credited.

#3938000

Review of I'll Never Forgive You

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there its_just_me

! It is an honor to be reviewing

I'll Never Forgive You

(E)
The story speaks for itself, I hope you all enjoy :)
#1969358 by its_just_me

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:This is heartbreaking. It's tough finding out you've been betrayed by the people you trust most. Been there.

Suggestions:I do have a few suggestions that I think would make the story read a little better. If you don't mind I would like to point them out.

2nd paragaraph….That night was going to be the night where we realized it was all foolish, (suggest) changing where to when

3rd paragraph….(suggest) no breaking into paragraph 4 with the word And. And should be a continuation but a paragraph is a break

Overall: I think this is well written. However, I do think it would read better if told as a classic story instead of like a letter written to the person. I can also see that writing it to him could be cathartic so I understand. Like I said, I've been there. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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#3937993

Review of And I cried

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi there Blue Moon

! It is an honor to be reviewing

STATIC

And I cried

(E)
Wrote it one evening after some reflection. May 3,2013
#1969322 by Blue Moon

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I hate to say this but I really enjoyed this. I hate to say it because I can feel the pain in your words and I hate to think I could find joy in your pain. It's very well written. I found no mistakes in grammar or punctuation. I love the repetitiveness of "and I cried."

Suggestions:I have no suggestions

Overall: Overall I think this is great and I also think others will too. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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#3937985

Review of Torn Apart

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi there its_just_me

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Torn Apart

(E)
When I got an idea for a book, this was one of the strong scenes I pictured.
#1969342 by its_just_me

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I really like this scene. It flowed well with great timing. I found not errors in grammar or punctuation. I think you described the scene perfectly with the exception of what the female character looks like. I'm sure that you intend to bring that in later. That is something I do with my own writing. Describing two people at the same time can be sensory overload. However, since this snippet is all we have, you might want to throw in something about her.

Suggestions:I would like to make a few suggestions that might make the story read a little better, if you don't mind.

Paragraph 1...revealing tight, toned muscles along his body.

Paragraph 2...I walked to him slowly, admiring the sight of his toned back.

Both of these lines contain the word toned. Since toned muscles and tight muscles are the same thing, I would suggest using tight for one and toned for the other.

Overall: Well, I think this is fantastic. I would love to read the full story.
I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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#3936894

Review of Leaving home

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there geniusgal

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Leaving home

(E)
the thoughts rushing through my mind as i leave for college
#1968951 by geniusgal

for the WDC Angel Army.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I find this very sad. Having a 12 yr old boy, I know this day is coming and I dread it all the time

Suggestions:First stanza 3rd line of the place the where I grew up, (suggest) remove the between place and where

Overall: Overall I think this is well done. I do not feel a harsh review is in order here. Although I prefer rhyming poetry, I still think this is good. I would be honored to review your other work.

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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#3935995

Review of The Perfect Mom vs Super Mom

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello KittyLB9

it is my pleasure to review

The Perfect Mom vs Super Mom

(E)
I updated this, but its a great thought I want to share and get input on it.
#1968727 by KittyLB9

I think this is fantastic. It makes me want to stand up and say "I am Super Mom! Hear me roar! lol

I did notice a few typos and I would like to point them out if you don't mind.

(know) is misspelled in the description.

As the 2013 holiday season has reached its apex, .... (suggest) it's

then is good for me, I had an aphany. .... (suggest) than is good for me, I had an epiphany

Super Mom we think The Perfect Mom. (suggest) Super Mom :we think The Perfect Mom

changing moment thats in every (suggest) that's

I bet you ever remember (suggest) I bet you evenremember

There is little you cant do (suggest) There is little you can't do

But most the Moms I knwo can clean (suggest) know

If that isnt Super, I dont know what is. (suggest) don't

Its not always perfect (suggest) It's

its not always when you want it done (suggest) it's

But you arent perfect (suggest) aren't

Its a title you have earned (suggst) It's

This is a great piece and I think if you correct the typos it will be much better. You hit the nail on the head with this. They say "a woman's work is never done" but, I think a Mom's work is never done.

I work more in a week than I worked in a year before I became a mom. By far the greatest responsibility I have ever had, the most rewarding, and the funnest. I love my son and wouldn't trade a my worst minute as a mom for my whole pre-mom life.

Thank you for taking the time to recognize yourself and others as moms and for sharing your work with me. Job well done!

Good luck and God bless!

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#3935852

Review of Apartment Mischief

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there Lynn

! It is an honor to be reviewing

Apartment Mischief

(E)
My Crazy Cat
#1968656 by Lynn

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:This story is just adorable. Reminds be of a black cat I once had. He had to be put down because of what we think was a stroke. He was 15.

Suggestions:I did notice a few typos and would like to point them out to you if you don't mind.

could on the windows.to bend….(misplaced period) windows.to

of my apartment. d …… (rogue d)

Overall: Overall I think you did a good job describing Bonkers, silly guy. I enjoyed this and I think others will too. Job well done. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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14 days may be credited.

#3935397

Review of MY WAY, MY TRUTH, MY LIFE.

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi there bonnyprince1745

}! It is an honor to be reviewing

MY WAY, MY TRUTH, MY LIFE.

(E)
The life of a christian.
#1968479 by bonnyprince1745

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression: Lovely poem. I feel not enough people are willing to stand for Him these days. People tend to put their chin to their chest and whisper I'm saved.

Suggestions:I noticed a few mistakes and would like to point them out if you don't mind.

2nd stanza last line …..Working with me and and to the Light. (extra and)

Last stanza first line…Death you shall Die,where then your sting (missing is)

Overall: Overall I think this poem is well done. Job well done. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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21

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14 days may be credited.

#3935394

Review of Laria

Review by GroovyStella

Rated: E

| (4.0)

What a beautiful place to be. My son is bullied everyday at school because of developmental and physical delays. I long for the day that his body and mind is made perfect.

Nice poem. Job well done.

Good luck and God bless!

22

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14 days may be credited.

#3935198

Review of Seeing the world from his window

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi there, Darasaidthis

I am GroovyStella and it is my honor to be reviewing "Seeing the world from his window"

for the PDG Rockin' Review Academy.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

just like you.

I am not a professional and these are just my humble opinions. I hope you take them as I have intended. It is not my goal to criticize or hinder you in anyway, but to grow and learn with you. So without further adieu....here goes.

Impression:This story really touched my heart. I can feel your pain and the grieving you have left to do. I have a late brother that died before I was born. All I have is his grave. Not even a dirty shirt. I wish I did. I deal with his death every day. Not a day goes by that I don’t grieve him and we’ve never even met.

Suggestions:I did find a few typos and mistakes. If you don't mind I would like to point them out to you.

1st paragraph….. It remind’s me of how i would pull (suggest) It reminds me of how I would pull

2nd paragraph….and smoke a ciggerette and wait (suggest) cigarette

3rd paragraph ….. oven cleaner because, mace is for amaturs (suggest) amateurs

4th paragraph ….. Mace gives you a sold 60 seconds to escape. (suggest) solid

5th paragraph…. get at before i began to educate (suggest) get at before I began to educate.

6th paragraph…. This pictured reminded me of Casey, (suggest) This picture reminded me of Casey

7th paragraph….. if i am having a really bad day (suggest) if I am having a really bad day

8th paragraph…. Tonight i went into his room (suggest) Tonight I went into his room
how it felt to be the younger sibling, was he ( suggest) how it felt to be the younger
sibling: was he (the semi colon or semi colon would feel better here because you’re
using an example and not just a pause in the line which would warrant the comma

9th paragraph….. On really bad night’s i go in his room (suggest) On really bad nights I go into his room
Night’s suggest night is

we haven’t washed and i put it on my pillow (suggest) we haven’t washed and I put it
on my pillow

same exact thing, i’d most likely (suggest) same exact thing, I’d most likely

10th paragraph…. Grief it all in at once ( suggest) Grieve it all at once

11th paragraph….. I miss you Casey, I hope your watching me (not all the time though, obviously i need my space) .. but I hope you can see all the good you have done for me and how you have changed me and the way in which i want to live my life.

(suggest)

I miss you Casey. I hope you’re watching me (not all the time though, obviously I need my space)… but I hope you can see all the good you have done for me and how you have changed me and the way in which I want to live my life.

I noticed some tense issues…ie: 2nd paragraph …….For as long as I could remember he was always up ( could remember suggests past tense as opposed to can that would suggest present )
This was obviously when he was much younger ( this suggests present tense as opposed to that which would suggest past)

Overall: My favorite part…..Yes, I empty mace spray bottle’s and replace the mace with oven cleaner because, mace is for amaturs and people don’t come back from oven cleaner. (Remember that & don’t say my blog never taught you anything).

Good job on this. You had a few little issues but job well done.

Thank you for sharing your work with me. I would be honored to read/review more of your work. Feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions. Good luck and God bless!!

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14 days may be credited.

#3934903

Review of Brown wooden shingles

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi there Earthenware_Haven

}! It is an honor to be reviewing

Brown wooden shingles

(E)
A short story of childhood memories.
#1749131 by Earthenware_Haven

for the WDC Angel Army.

I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I found this very visual. I got a perfect picture of what is going on in this very short story. Makes me wonder if it was written for a visual contest. If not, it should be.

Suggestions:Although I found no mistakes in grammar or punctuation, I did notice one thing: the reader doesn't know the character's name is Laura until the third paragraph, which is halfway through.

Overall:Overall I found this well written and enjoyable. Again, it is very visual and that's great that you can set the scene like that. Seems very easy for you. Well done. I would be honored to review your other work.

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#3934733

Review of Lie in peace!

Review by GroovyStella

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is incredibly dark but I like it. I found no mistakes and the words flow well. Job well done.

Good luck and God bless!

25

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14 days may be credited.

#3934707

Review of For You

Review by GroovyStella

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there CarpeNoctem

}! It is an honor to be reviewing

For You

(E)
About giving everything you have to be with someone who doesn't even know you exist.
#1968118 by CarpeNoctem

for the WDC Angel Army.

Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie

Just like you.

I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!

Impression:I can feel the place of pain that this piece comes from. It's pure sadness. I've been there. I think we all have.

Suggestions:No mistakes in grammar or punctuation jumped out at me. However, I noticed in the middle stanzas the flow was interrupted or slowed a little. I stumbled a couple of times.

Overall: Overall you've done a great job on this. I hope you have great talent that helps you tap into this kind of pain and that it isn't from experience. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing

Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.

GroovyStella

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .